6:00 am. A lizard is crawling right on top of my wall. They creep me out in totality. For a moment, I thought may be we could turn friends…you know, staying in the same room and stuff! But neither one of us wants to make an effort. Happy in our own space. Anyway, I am at the brink of this weekend. The clock ticks 8 am and the dynamics would change. How strange is that? How rigid is the mind? Sticks to the notions and the set beliefs. If only I could mix Mondays with the Sun-Fun-Sundays!
I am a believer…not a cynic..would only hope for a better day ahead. So, cheers to you-better-work-your-ass-off Mondays! And I hope you guys have a great week ahead of you.
If your friends start judging you..they seem less like a friend. Just be on my corner! Is that so hard? Okay this is off topic.
Past one week has been pretty much mechanical. Sleep. Eat. Work. Home. Sleep. And Loop. Haven’t checked out any latest youtube videos, haven’t checked any new stocks on shopping sites, haven’t read much or eaten anything delicious..days are rolling by. I want to travel more. Want to rumble in the dust more often. Want to drench in the rain. Want to feel that blissful air on top of mountain peaks..want my feet in the river..and want the lush greenery. Want coffee with friends on a terrace top. Want little bruises from a lover that I could secretly smile on about later. Want mom ke haath ka khana(home cooked food!). Want to be a free spirit!
Recalling those lines Ranbir Kapoor iterates in a movie…Main udna chahta hoon, daudna chahta hoon, girna bhi chahta hoon … bus rukna nahi chahta. Fly. Run. Fall. Just don’t want to stop.
Will do something to come out of this humdrum routine. Till then, ciao!
It is July already! Retrospection time may be for what I have done in half a year. Won’t dwell. I have been pretty occupied in my office lately. Have been deviating from my usual habits. There was this flash mob which took place last Thursday and which I was a part of. We used to have daily practice sessions in between office hours and some how I managed to sneak away from my seat…my insides feeling guilty about skipping my work..what to do? It was so much fun. Few things I realized..I don’t gel too soon. I get talked on a lot about being thin..which is now wearing me out a little! Then, I totally enjoy dancing,…this I knew but got in love with sweat during this period..and meeting other people who were a part of it. Lastly, I think could have faired better as a boy! I mean I love being a girl…and I have some of those feminine traits(shopping..worrying..etc.) but here I was amongst a bunch of girls, of all kinds..and I felt so out of place..I didn’t gossip..I didn’t talk about my weight..I didn’t feel like talking about guys…I didn’t have any clue on make up, touch up what so ever..and then when my friend saw me in the flash mob group pic…she said..you could have done better with your clothes..and I was like yeah whatever! Sometimes it can be more about living the moment than those outer crust paraphernalia..like how were you looking , how good did you dance and whether you took the selfie or not. In that moment..I had thousand volts of fun. Hindi songs..Telugu song..Kannad song..Gasolina…Lungi dance..man! I was all there and enjoying it. :). Guys asserted their love for rear ends by hooting everytime we took a turn. :D. One girl bombed our dance in between and we had a good amount of laugh later when we saw the video. I guess I will mark this day as a good memory and probably that is why the blog!
Came to a pizza outlet..sitting there..waiting for my order…could have had it home delivered..but I always come instead. I like going through the added trouble..makes it worth the wait may be..and no I am not going to blog about my every waking activity..:D..but coming here gives me minutes to think..a friend of mine disconnected himself from all social media..whatsapp etc..he says it consumes his time..another friend says she wants some me time..she will go and sit by the beaches for hours..I guess this can count as one of my odd habits..coming alone, sitting, staring, waiting. Don’t know, I kind of like it.
Do you ever feel like your time is running out? Like you only have two hands, one heart, one mind and a hundred of things to accomplish. I have been bad at time management, since forever. Somehow, things always worked out by themselves. I am amongst those, “in the last moment” kind of people. My productivity/energy increases as I reach towards the deadline. So say when I am supposed to work on something(not talking about my job here!), I’ll be listening to songs instead, fully aware of the toll it would cause me later.
I am doing it right now, 2 am..supposed to sleep for office tomorrow and I am penning down some shit load of tangled thoughts running in my head. Someone tell me what is normalcy? I think I had it at some point of time…and then I moved on..and left it where it was. I guess it is okay to be weird and not proclaim that you are weird. I guess I am a subtle form of weirdo who tries usual stuff and then gets bored and then again gets back to her unusual routines.
Meanwhile, I am having this love hate kind of a relation with technology, where certain aspects of it are really bugging me, urging me to time travel back to simpler days and then I am even abusing the privilege at full throttle. What to do? Life is puzzling.
Rains. Equivalent to no mood for work. Lazying on the bed. Gazing through the window. Water sparkling on your cheeks, slipping through your fingers, soaking into your hairs. Craving for hot food. Coffee. Reminiscent of old memories. Jumping. Frolicking. Rides. Kisses. Drenching. Walks. Smiles. Little sweet. Little sad. Rains and the emotions it brings along! I charge you guilty.
There are days when my brain is advising: don’t write anything today..still I go ahead and do it anyway. Some days seem prosaically long to me. Like loooo…oong. The mornings would be super energetic and my energy will drain as the evening comes along. Or something might happen just to pull me down. Or may be these are just erratic mood swings..who is to say! I feel like a Pac-Man, you know the character from those childhood video games. It had to eat those small dots and gain as many points while avoiding the ghosts at the same time. You touch a ghost and you die. GAME-OVER. Dots I eat pretty well..but man! dodging the ghosts is a task. My ghost list is a huge one. Anything can stir me up. Or turn me blue. So I stroll..eating all possible dots..staying happy as I go along..doing my stuff..smiling..avoiding my ghosts. I avoid anything that I find even slightly repelling. Or a negative thought that is trying to make home in my head..I utter..no no no!
I have been getting such random thoughts lately. Of Pac-Man and the sorts. A lot of them and I want that someone just splashes a bucket full of water on me! Or I myself take a dive into some pool of water. Just to be taken aback a little. You know..feel the rush. Empty mind is a devil’s workshop…everybody knows it..but my empty mind is full of crap. Not even a seminary for devious ideas! It’s 11:09 pm IST. Chuck these thoughts. Chuck Pac-Man. Let me make use of the time before I fall asleep. :).
What do writers do? Do they think a lot…do they travel a lot…do they feel passionately about something…have they suffered a lot..I don’t even call myself a writer..but I am curious to know. I wonder how I still haven’t found my footing. I am in the middle of things…I am trying this..and doing that…I haven’t yet pursued anything with utmost passion. I have a job and I do it seriously, but passionate? I just find things interesting. In that moment of interest I might seem really boosted up..and into it. And then my interest wanes. Does that make me a halka-fulka(that is hindi for light weight) person? Am I too frivolous to be taken seriously. Probably because I never take myself seriously? Motivational talks don’t work on me. They might hold me captivated for a week and then it’s all downhill from there. At this moment I feel I am being more words and lesser action. What if I stick onto something even after my interest has faded. Yeah..that won’t work right. I don’t know I talk here as if I am talking one on one to people. :P. I always write things like..keep it simple..take it light…may be I need to get serious about something. Really follow it up with discipline. I read someone’s status the other day: find that one thing you love and let it kill you. Humm. Food for thought?!