Oh my God. Could some people just get on your nerves? Or some days, do you find yourself just really short on tolerance? Everyone disappoints you at some point and you prick them likewise.
So how do you find composure when you are agitated? How do you find the balance with loving someone and also accepting their follies? There is no perfect human made for us. Your friends, your loved ones, your family, they all fall short on something. And you do too. Because we as humans have a very delusional state of perfection. We want everything. And then we find flaws even in the best of circumstances. It’s like we were designed to be unsatisfied. To complain. To focus on the pitfalls.
Can’t rest with a moment of peace. Some disruption. Something to bother you. That’s how life rolls. Even in joy, some misery is essential.
I scroll through my cell phone. There is this neediness in me seeking one person I can talk my heart out to. I realize it is not going to help. In silent introspection, it dawns upon me that I am not seeking someone. I am only yearning for you. It makes sense too. How could a Lime Soda quench one’s thirst for Coke? Sure it will keep me full for a while but it won’t work as right. So I leave my cell as it is. Truly speaking, I am not even yearning. You have left me convincingly destructed though. Come and see for yourself.
When people decide to leave you, why don’t they leave a manual behind with “What to do next?” notes. How exasperating it is to toil day and night, smile, talk, engage and then look down at your hands, close your eyes and say to yourself, it is fine; you’ll be fine. Yeah people who care, they say, don’t romanticize your situation girl! But I will ask, why not? How do I not? It is coming to me naturally. The agony. The trouble. The restlessness. The sleeplessness. The craziness. The abruptness. Each one attacking like a storm. I feel like some abandoned bad habit. Actually, no. Even bad habits get their own time to wane. So what happens now? Of people like me, who dig too deep emotionally? Till I don’t find an answer, I will keep shutting my eyes and reassuring myself, it’s alright. It is all fine.
Do you have a friend who corrects every word you misspell? And cringes on every wrong pronunciation you make? Like their only purpose to be alive in this ever-so-happening world, is to pin point at your petty lingual mistakes. In that moment you want to kill them. Choke them around the neck and kill them! But then they happen to be right and you make a dorky face and let it pass! Do you have such friend or am I the only one doomed? Words like poignant, petulant, nonchalant, bourgeois….I would have never known how these words are spoken(rightly) if not for this nemesis cum friend. I am seeing her tomorrow after quite a few days. Looking forward to the trouble. :-). <3.