I am wandering

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My blog, if it were human, must be really mad at me. I have almost abandoned it. To be true, I am lacking resources and also the zeal to keep up with it. Few observations I have had while I was away:
– I am pretty messed up, don’t know if I was so from before or it is something new.
– I most certainly have some eating disorder which might be a result of myriad other issues.
– I am tired of putting up a strong face. People around me say I am hovering negativity around me. I don’t like their suggestions. I don’t like their advice. I don’t know who means well.
– I need to rise above self speculation. Not bother about every sentence that comes out of someone’s mouth. Not be so self involved. There is a whole world of things outside me. Break the bubble.
– There is no need to prove anything to anyone.
– All is well.

I did visit two-three places meanwhile. Some of my friends marriages and a short summer trip to Puducherry. I also cut my hair. Traveling is good. Surroundings are temperate. But I have to sort myself out. Ah.. if only I could use some magic wand and stop growing up! Nothing seems right these days. Nothing gives immense joy. :(. I do not want to be this gloomy person. I am stalling this post here.

Travel Diaries: the Wedding

What do I say? I had been out for a friend’s wedding in Mumbai. I am at an all time low since my return. Reasons? Galore. There is this sense of detachment. Of nothingness. Of futility. I am low because the whole marriage affair didn’t entice me much. I mean, of course I was happy for my friend and I smiled all along, but I even got the feeling simultaneously that I won’t fit in the bill. I wouldn’t want to do these things. I might have at one point in the past, but I am so averse to it right now. Cannot fathom the whys and whats of it. Why am I sad but? Lack of sense of purpose I suppose. If not marriage at least I should be willing to do something of my life right? So lost. So so lost. Don’t want lectures. Don’t want communication. Don’t want nothing. Let me rue for a few days more. Till then here is my pretty picture from the wedding..all things girly..(when have my doldrums ever stopped me from dressing up..). Adios!

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#can be classified under my stupid quest for happiness.

 

Travel Diaries: Goa

Yeah that’s me…and yes those are my freakishly long arms. Flying amidst peace and quiet of the azure sky. On top of that was the sea(bottom literally).

This trip soothed me in ways more than one to count. I have plenty to say and yet I am falling short on words. This post is going to be more of a visual update.

To start with, we booked these awesome cottages. Made me feel like settling there forever.

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None of our chalked out plans worked.

Mud bath..thrashed.

Beach Party..doomed.

River rafting…cancelled.

Yet, we had the bestest time ever. We got drenched to the bones and ate paani puri in middle of the rain.

Dabbled half a day in the pool. Played Ludo/Snake and Ladder at nights. Posed and posed. Spent two hours daily at the breakfast table talking about silly nothings, listening to all kind of songs.

By some stroke of luck we got the chance to partake in water sport activities.

There was the beach and all thrilling events happening around.

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Some more beach..and ample to ponder about.

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Loads of heat, hell lot of tan..and a dozen opportunities for me to strut my recently inked tattoo.. 😀

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After tiring ourselves to the brim, we headed to a club, decked up and danced past midnight. From what I remember, it was immense somatic pain a day after.

Company was of my favorite kind of people; us, a few bunch of drained homo-sapiens striding through adulthood, each with his/her own set of issues. I guess, when we got together, catching up after so long, laughing, singing, prancing around, I nearly forgot this usual life. The air felt different. No liabilities. No tensions. I was as light in my head as a helium gas particle.

And now, the trip is over. Have to catch up with the routine. I am still in recovery mode. Recovery from intrinsic bliss you may call it. Because they say no…happiness is momentary. I sure had my moments!

Reliving tidbits

Sometimes when you have lived through something beautiful, been a subset of a surreal experience: you have laughed so hard, your stomach hurt; you have sighed so sad, the cloud drizzled; danced so long, your body clamoured for rest; have kissed so strong, your mouth resisted tasting anything else; dressed so sassy, the crowd steered their eyes on you; sometimes when you are in between those moments, you want to instantly save them somehow. You take a picture, you make a note, you write a poem, you just want to get hold of it. Does it really work? I suppose not.

May be you couldn’t click it in your camera, may be what you wrote couldn’t describe the enormity of it. May be your awesomest kiss got lost somewhere in between. May be it is not possible after all to relive these things to bits and pieces again. But, you were there. You savoured it in entirety. You still remember the feeling, don’t you? Past might get hazy, but it never vanishes.

I read this on a hoarding while returning from my Goa trip today: They shared one moment and lived it thousand times in their memories.
About this post: Could be an outcome of my inability to give a detailed description about my past few days, and some other stuff. I will though.

Travel diaries: Road Trip

Has been a busy week folks. Like how six days just roll by in a glimpse and you wake up on Sunday with your body parts aching. Have a lot on my mind…got things to do. Yesterday was our country’s 69th Independence Day, kind of a big deal in India. So my work place was, for the full week, high on patriotic extravaganza. I like it. I love India. But I am not over the top hyper-ish about it!! That happened. We had some fun games, decorations, dress code and all of it.
Then I went on a road trip to Shakleshpur yesterday with some office friends. Nature. Retreat. Rain. Water. Peace. Laughs. Long drive. Music. All of my favorite things. There was this gigantic waterfall we trekked to. Soiled, tired and curious, as we reached the destination, the view was simply breath-taking. Worth the trouble taken. I stood there, facing that enormous waterfall, drenching in the sprinkles; in that moment, a feeling occurred to me as if the fall is challenging me. How much can you take Roopam? I can crush you to bits and I will shower you with troubles. Are you strong enough to stand tall through all of it? the wind kept pushing me and eyes struggled to stay open. I was smiling I guess, to the challenge posed on me. Felt like talking to the fall and saying, I am so ready! will take it all and I will stay strong. The fall rushed in more breeze, more water towards me, to confirm..,Are you sure? it is not going to be easy. And I let my hairs down and turned all boho 😀 and nodded in excitement, uttering in my mind..Yes I know!
Nature has its own way of telling you things.
Yesterday, I was high on nature. And today, I am high on sleep. Adios!

Travel Diaries: Amore Nature

One of those days when you feel things are moving way too fast…I don’t know if it is wrong, but it feels so damn right. Good things frighten me a little these days. Lots of what ifs come into my head. Paranoid is the term. I am breathing slow and smiling and just letting moments happen. I am kind of happy too, but scared to admit it.

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So anyway my mind will continue playing its twist tales. Meanwhile, I went on a trip with my girl friends last week. No last to last week. And life has been so busy ever since I returned, I have no effin’ track of how days are flying. It was a weekend trip to Wayanad, Kerala. What to say…scenic..rejuvenating..made me breathe back to life. We were lost in the lap of nature. Trekking, camping, cycling, mud, leeches, water bodies, rains, cuisines and what not. Fantastically delightful. Travelling is fun. Makes a hole in your pocket but still fun.

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Much like my present state of mind, this post is coming out random too. I am not speculating much. If I am happy I guess I deserve little bit of that. :). Will continue with more sensible talks soon.

Travel Diaries: Shadi Vadi

I don’t know what to be. I don’t know what is likable, or what is acceptable. I am just going on. A non existential person going on with her life. I have my bits scatterred here and there. One or two people in my life…I am living them. I don’t talk to them often…I don’t see them often..I prefer not to talk ABOUT them often..but I am practically living them. My behaviour, my nuances, my laughs, my decisions, these people are everywhere. I don’t understand why some people affect you so deeply. We part but we don’t really part. Not in our heads atleast. He claims we’ll meet some day. I want to believe it but fear gets the better of me. I have stopped wrenching my brains over it.

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I am writing after quite a few days. Had been on a trip to Gujarat. First of my college friend’s wedding. It was a treat. Got to dress up all girly. Loved the food, the couple, the vibe, the wedding. Danced for our friend, for the happiness in our hearts. Loads of good wishes. Made me less aversive to the idea of marriage. I am just saying. The beach was calm as ever. The people were heart warming. Many delightful moments with my two good friends over the journey. I got to eat dhokla. Something I love about Gujju food. I am an erratic person, or so I believe, and this trip has surprisingly made me more quite. Every new place I visit changes me in a way or other. It’s not intended to happen but I return as a modified version of me. Life is happening all around me and I am taking it in without prejudice. Don’t ask me questions, I won’t have proper answers at this moment.