How does one think beyond the limits of one’s surroundings when one is confined in the same spot for a really long time. No change of scenery, no human interaction, no intimacy, no banters. I feel like my mind has frozen. Stuck in this loop of mundane activities, trying really hard to stay positive but to no avail. These bad thoughts and scary moments sneak their way in, somehow. I want this feeling of unrest to end. I would like to feel the lightness in my steps and have a zinger for my thoughts. It’s not like I am constantly sad. But I would like to be in a state of carefreeness. I know that feeling, I crave for it now more than ever. Peace in solace. Just, plain and simple peace. 🙂
There are days when my brain is advising: don’t write anything today..still I go ahead and do it anyway. Some days seem prosaically long to me. Like loooo…oong. The mornings would be super energetic and my energy will drain as the evening comes along. Or something might happen just to pull me down. Or may be these are just erratic mood swings..who is to say! I feel like a Pac-Man, you know the character from those childhood video games. It had to eat those small dots and gain as many points while avoiding the ghosts at the same time. You touch a ghost and you die. GAME-OVER. Dots I eat pretty well..but man! dodging the ghosts is a task. My ghost list is a huge one. Anything can stir me up. Or turn me blue. So I stroll..eating all possible dots..staying happy as I go along..doing my stuff..smiling..avoiding my ghosts. I avoid anything that I find even slightly repelling. Or a negative thought that is trying to make home in my head..I utter..no no no!
I have been getting such random thoughts lately. Of Pac-Man and the sorts. A lot of them and I want that someone just splashes a bucket full of water on me! Or I myself take a dive into some pool of water. Just to be taken aback a little. You know..feel the rush. Empty mind is a devil’s workshop…everybody knows it..but my empty mind is full of crap. Not even a seminary for devious ideas! It’s 11:09 pm IST. Chuck these thoughts. Chuck Pac-Man. Let me make use of the time before I fall asleep. :).