I wouldn’t like to use this term loosely but there are days when I am more anxious than the regular days. It could be triggered by any small thing, like a bad dream, a silly Pinterest quote, something that I saw in a movie, a song. What I am learning is, each day is not the same. And some days take a lot of effort from me to stay focused. I can’t help it when the feeling kicks in but keeping my phone away helps, talking to friends helps, talking to your dear ones makes the feeling go away, writing does it too. These are strange times indeed, and then we all have our inner battles to tackle. They say, time fixes things; heals old wounds. I would just call it a bad day and go to sleep. Jittery nerves will figure their way out slowly. Steadily.
You wouldn’t believe if I lay down all my woes. You will find a way to diminish their weight. I am feeling the things I am feeling not for any other reason but that I cannot help feeling. I wish I could stop it all. I wish to go back in time where life wasn’t throwing these lessons at me. Where birds chirped and lovers squabbled. I write in angst. I write to subside the pain. That flickering ray of positivity still resides in my being. Today is just another day. And tomorrow will bring with it fresh energy.
Okay, so, nothing particular in my mind lately. I am toiling, reviving, usual stuff; you know, jumbled up in my own world of life scenarios. Just when I was stuck on what to write next, this sweet kido(feels so darn grown up calling teenagers kido!) nominated me for the three-day quote challenge. Thank you girl! I very much needed it. Guys do check out her blog.. :-).
So, I haven’t been talking much lately, to anyone, or expressing in general. It seems like talking would do no good. Or may be there is nothing to talk about. And this quote somewhere got me good..there goes..
Well, I nominate:
I can take the silence. I can accept the indifference. I can find reasons to smile in our long-lost escapades. I can be good on my own. I could make up false tales in my mind to not like you so much. I can take it all in humour. I could make an effort to be happy. And I could make myself believe, it was short, thus trifle. I can pretend to move past this and simultaneously list numerous reasons why it would do me good. I could truncate you under a grievous mistake or folly on my part. Belittle the very essence of our story. In distant future, may be, may be I could even delude myself to have forgotten you. But, after all of this done on my behalf, if one day you see me and tell me you love me, it would effusively break me apart. It would be the end of all my strength. I would live and die together in that moment. I fail to explain it better.
The beauty of pain is that it seeps into you slowly. It will hurt a lot in the beginning, little later it would sting every waking moment, and then it will ever so slightly pinch and before you know it, you are breathing pain. It becomes this familiar thing to you. You don’t demonstrate any emotions to it. You don’t feel the restlessness anymore. Your face is all bland. You’re all like….dear pain! Come hither, be my guest. Doesn’t matter any more. It’s not that you don’t want to be happy. Yes you do. You try. But that whacky little piece stays. What do you do? Give it space. Freedom. Time. Let it in. And one day without your permission, it will be out.
What I found today:
A fight with your boyfriend/partner might suck but fight with a friend sucks worst!
You want to fix it ASAP. They are the last person you want to quarrel with. Who will you vent out your feelings to? Whom to call at your desperate hours? Whom to be abusive and at your dislikeable best with? They might not be miraculously present in the air you breathe..they might not be your soul mates…they don’t make your heart beats flutter..you won’t see them as often as you see all other random guys..but they are more like your bread and butter….as much necessary as the shelter, food and money. You are an island…you are strong..you have it under control..you are sparkling, relentless and several other good things..only because deep down you know they have your back. Always have, always will.
So don’t fight with your best friends..hug’em and fix it!
#night time epiphany after screwing a conversation.