Does it help, if I admit that I miss you at molecular level. Or if I say you are snatching away my nights. Does my abnormality resulting from your silence give you relief. Should I mention the constant residual uneasiness you have bequeathed upon me. I don’t find the need to check my cell phone these days. I don’t ponder lately on how I look in front of the mirror. Couldn’t you beguile me a little less? Couldn’t you have loved me a little fainter? Why was the passion required. Were those unrestrained talks really necessary. I am on a thin line between whether I want to recover from you or not. I fear nothing would match up to you and when it does, I would fear forgetting you. Mind isn’t ready to stack you as a thing of the past. You might be indifferent. You might have moved on. You might be yearning. You might have come in terms. You might be struggling too. I have no way to find. For a moment I wish I was little more self obsessed so I could think less of you. Love and the trepidation it brings along!
Then again, I don’t want us to be uncertain. Paddling with insecurities. I will accept our fall. I will embrace your absence in my bones, make it a part of living. Life shouldn’t stop on incomplete stories. We’ll be fine, you and I. Our story, short, romantic, fervent, incomplete, beautiful, sad; but our’s at the end.
I fell while riding my scooter. Taking along my friend down, who sat behind me. This happened about four days ago. Yes, nothing serious. All bodily organs in place, working, with little bruises here and there. I normally would have made a big deal out of this incident. I am innately little dramatic about injuries. The blood clot on my left arm is actually making me want to chop off the whole arm altogether. So yeah, little dramatic. But this time around, it was my fault. Plus the added guilt of having made my friend trip. I stayed low-key. Bandaged up. Wore full sleeve shirts to office. No sympathy gaining.
The real surprise came today. We decided to go out for coffee. Yeah, the same friend and I. I was pretty sure she will prefer auto ride after “what had happened”. I mean she was still limping (i know! :/ ) And I was 10% unsure myself about my once-proven-faulty driving skills. But the gall, the balls, the whatever it took for her to say she will sit behind me again!!! I trust you, she said. In my head I went…whattttt?!! People amaze you sometimes. With their big foolish hearts. Days like this, when you won’t be sure about yourself and a few out there are still ready to take a chance on you. Makes you smile, isn’t it.
So we went, had coffee, chilled, returned home safely. End of story. :).
I have decided.
I won’t let you slide away the memory lane with few tears in my eyes,
few shoulders to lean on,
few sad songs to relate to,
and there, gone.
I will preserve your nuances like I have treasured my childhood story books.
I will savour our moments like I remember dialogues from my favorite movie ever.
I will relish your kisses like I distinctly recognize my most delectable chocolate flavour.
I will miss your warmth like I yearn for some heat on a chilly, chilly winter evening.
I will smile at your thoughts, how a child smiles gazing at the rainbow.
I will memorize you like the lyrics of a beautiful poignant song.
I will wear your fragrance like a flower carries its own.
I will laugh at your silliness, how I laugh when I trip.
I will sob that you are gone, how I sob over mushy scenes, with a handkerchief over my nose.
I will fancy doing vile things to you because when has moth ever stopped lusting the flame.
I will be there, how the dawn never disappoints dusk, not one day.
I will imbibe you such, that the difference cannot be told.
There will be you,
and there will be I,
but there will be a tad bit of you in me,
from now on, till the end of time.
In a land, very distant, far away, sat a girl against a log of wood, looking up at the sky. Gazing so keenly as though her eyes could pierce the clouds and meet the sunshine meandering beyond them. She looked at peace, but was anxious from inside. The sun also had its fair share of fun. It started playing hide and seek with the girl. Falling on her skin every now and then. Making her smile and then leaving her restless by sneaking behind the clouds. Or so she thought. “What is it?”, she threw a question back at space. “Explain me the dynamics”, she said. Obviously, no answer came.
On other side of the clouds, far far light years away, there sat the sun, enjoying a sparkly Sunday. Within its enormous purview, sun looked at the earthly beings, some happy, some sad, mostly indifferent to the ubiquitous presence of sunlight amongst them. A girl came in his sight. Sitting by the log. Everytime sun looked at her, she smiled. But then, clouds blocked his view. And everytime that happened, sun couldn’t see her face. The sun uttered to himself, “You look so beautiful smiling. I wish you keep that smile forever intact. If I could, I would see you all day long.” Obviously, she couldn’t hear that.