Another one bites the dust

AT LEAST that’s what I say when I have these series of boyfriends/flings coming and going around; you know to add some humour to it. Some due to my issues; some due to their short comings; some for no substantial reason at all(!). Love is a precarious bait. Despite all the risks involved of getting your heart sullied, you do it any way. There will be breathtaking moments galore and the beauty of it all, gets you carried away.

Who doesn’t love being nudged or nuzzled or lifted and dragged on to the wall?! Who wouldn’t smile if someone says they want to smother you up? 😀 I know I do. It’s not done in heat of the moment, and it is certainly not an impulsive decision to make. The heart and mind sit together for several conference calls and land up here. Oh the risks! will mitigate them. And the differences? Will adjust. Difficulties? Will face them, will beat them. If you like someone, you like someone. Everything else becomes surmountable. And then the story ends like every other beautiful one. No reason or rhyme, it just ends. As abruptly as it’s happening here.

This one is going to take time. To turn from fresh scar to a wound. To be reminded of you and not mention it. To crave for you and let it pass like I was some kid and you an expensive toy. I can say I had it coming, people may say it wasn’t going to last long anyway. I’ll get over it and all of that crap. But I had witnessed magic there; I was one element of our heavily reactive chemistry. Some pieces of puzzle fit right together. We so did. And past we will become, but an utterly beautiful one.  You there, made me laugh and I’ll hold that close to my heart. Adios then, is it?

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L.O.V.E.

Love is that, you don’t say much but unwarily shows in your eyes.
Love is what tests your might, when everything is asunder and nothing is right.
Love is when you see their name and a smile weaves on your face.
Love is in those lonely walks and how it craves you to death for their company.
Love is in those sleepless nights.
Love is abound when you secretly cry.
Love is what surpasses time.
Love is intact even when distances arrive.
Love is in every prayer you hymn.
Love is when you say nothing outside but feel a zillion things inside.
Love is when those fidgety fingers don’t listen to your mind.
Love is in your words.
Love is in the silence.
Love is poetic.
Love is painful.
Love fails and Love perseveres.
Love is beautiful. Love is equally fucked up.
Love is crazy, moody, sweet, strong, emotional, foolish and on and on and on…
To understand what love is, you have to be in love!

P.S. Came across this quote by chance and it touched those chords inside me.

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Plainly Put

I am happy jolly good…but honestly I miss you..
I am so busy with my life these days…yet I miss you..
Things are going great, work is catching up pace..and out of the blue I miss you..
This cute guy made a move on me today..darn I miss you..
I heard this soulful song another day..amidst that I miss you..
Rains..the cold..the breeze…make me smile..and there I miss you..
I am all there and yet I am not there..because I miss you..
I steal moments from my day..just so, for a while I can miss you..
Oh I nod…and I respond…I giggle and snicker..my insides though..they miss you..
I very well hate admitting it to myself..still can’t help if I miss you..
Something crumbles..I guess my nerves..to feel you close enough..so a moment goes without missing you..
You interrupt every where..occupy my mind on every step..I get confused whether breathing comes as easy as missing you..
There…this guy and gal are walking past..fondling along the way..moron..get it that I miss you..
Nights have changed their vocation…instead of making me fall asleep..they go away in missing you..
May be I am not supposed to act this crazy, may be there is a sane route to do this, but fuck man, I miss you.

P.S. not a poem..scribbling you may call it.

F.R.I.E.N.D.

What I found today:
A fight with your boyfriend/partner might suck but fight with a friend sucks worst!
You want to fix it ASAP. They are the last person you want to quarrel with. Who will you vent out your feelings to? Whom to call at your desperate hours? Whom to be abusive and at your dislikeable best with? They might not be miraculously present in the air you breathe..they might not be your soul mates…they don’t make your heart beats flutter..you won’t see them as often as you see all other random guys..but they are more like your bread and butter….as much necessary as the shelter, food and money. You are an island…you are strong..you have it under control..you are sparkling, relentless and several other good things..only because deep down you know they have your back. Always have, always will.
So don’t fight with your best friends..hug’em and fix it!
#night time epiphany after screwing a conversation.

Mushy Mushy

As a child, my mom used to instigate me for every little activity. Beta wake up…Kido! Get ready for school..don’t leave before having breakfast…one more bite…yes this is the last bite etc etc..I have vague happy memories of it. Now that I am a grown up girl (don’t quite like calling myself a woman yet), I do things on my accord. Wake up when I want….sleep if I want to…eat, drink…sing..bath…all on my wish. I think I was way more organized when handled by my mom. Now I am just a living example of disorientation. Effortlessly messy if you want to call it. This is how I have been for a past few months.

So lately, I met this guy who I am kind of attracted to (haven’t fully disclosed it though 😛 ) and for some reason he has brought discipline back to my life. He hasn’t urged me for anything…but as a part of routine I am back to cooking again…reading again..grocery shopping! Arranging, cleaning..more importantly eating…I got way too lax on eating. I am surprised. I don’t even tell him any of this. But he is making me human again, if that makes any sense. I reckon that is something to dig for. :D.

Irritable human behaviour

What to do when you are turning into this impatient, restless person (which deep down you know you are) and you don’t want to because it is wrong may be..you have been there..done that so many times before, and again the trap is all set. I hate to be this version of me. Where I ponder and look at my cell phone screen..another text..another call? Simply hate it. And yet somehow I wind up being this person. Then again, what if a person accepts you with all these annoying habits. And talks to you as if it’s as easy as breathing air. You complain, he kisses. You question, he babes you. You try not to wait(while actually waiting) and he turns up. Don’t need a man of steel, but a man of patience may be. :).