Yesterday was my 1st anniversary with WordPress. I am like that husband who forgets the date and compensates for it a day later! Of course it means a lot to me darling. I have been so busy. bla and blah. Couldn’t find time on the D-day, but I will make up for it today.
So anyway, I am happy about this ONE year thing.
We have had a pleasant journey…I and my blog. It has made me more calm from inside, if you guys know what I mean?
I have had episodes in the last year…heart breaks, journeys, insomnia, moments of doubt, highs and lows. You know, usual human stuff. I have let it all out here and realized that happiness manifolds when you share it with others and blues get pacified at so many levels. Being faulty, or feeling lonely doesn’t come across as weird anymore. People out here are lovely. They have cheered me and appeased me; made me fly high on days I recognized as plain ordinary.
Then, I read what others write. On some days I ponder about it, the other days marvel at it. Some make me sad, some make me jubilant and some make my mouth go wide open! I kind of knew I had this emotional side to me and people here hit the damn right chords. So, THANK YOU all.
I tend to continue.
Happy blogging to myself and everyone reading it. Yoohooo!
Should I stop conversing because the negativity turns me down? I think I talk less to people because I don’t know what they might say next to piss me off. Yes, a totally wrong approach. But I stay rather at peace without the struggle to understand motives behind other’s words. No matter how well you know the person, they have this dorky side they will present you with and then you question your own sanity for being friends with such a dork! I guess something is wrong with my internal wiring, that in my hunky dory state I scavenge and find reasons to turn blue. Yes, sadness is way more poetic and all things beautiful. If you want you can forever swim in that ocean but try diving into the happiness pond please! Try soaking in the sun with all its radiance and warmth. You are sufficient. Aren’t you? Chuck naysayers. I want to say fuck…okay fuck them. Peace out.
Some days….the world is too much for me to take. People around seem nothing but exasperating. Too intelligent, too calculative; manipulative, immature, selfish, nonchalant, evil, rude. Yeah all of that. These days I just wish I was not a human with the ability to emote but rather some less advanced species in the food chain. To hell with survival of the fittest.
May be a duck or a swan. Some kind of bird. But then again, don’t these birds have their own set of problems? Migration, nests and stuff. I think I have that “other side of the grass looks greener” thing going around here. But at this moment I am not happy as a human. I might be grateful for it tomorrow but as of now…NO.
Saturday morning. Pensive mood. Looking forward to living this day. Happiness is in you. Make it last. Spread it around. Turning 25 soon. Not liking it. Still smiling. Exploring new phone. Virtual world is boring me. And yet I am blogging here. Bits of virtual world are boring me. Not finding genuine emotions to cater to. Staying away from human kind. Short sentences. Lesser words. Wishing someone tried to understand the silence. People give you every reason to walk away. Yet you decide to stay. It is difficult. So darn difficult.
All human interactions I have had today have turned me either upset or down or agitated. People are rude, with their words, actions or intents. I am probably going to buy a pet and start talking to it instead. I feel quite at loss of words today and genuinely hurt. I will not think about this right now.
I have to wake up early tomorrow, there are important works to do, it’s already 2:27 am. There was this song I had heard the other day. Kya khoya, kya paaya, itna kyun soche hai..tu hai nadiya, tu hai dariya, kyun khud ko roke hai..(what’s lost, what did you gain, why are you thinking so much…you are a river, you are the ocean, why then stopping yourself..)
I am too effin’ sentient to people around me. Will STOP this very moment.