How does one think beyond the limits of one’s surroundings when one is confined in the same spot for a really long time. No change of scenery, no human interaction, no intimacy, no banters. I feel like my mind has frozen. Stuck in this loop of mundane activities, trying really hard to stay positive but to no avail. These bad thoughts and scary moments sneak their way in, somehow. I want this feeling of unrest to end. I would like to feel the lightness in my steps and have a zinger for my thoughts. It’s not like I am constantly sad. But I would like to be in a state of carefreeness. I know that feeling, I crave for it now more than ever. Peace in solace. Just, plain and simple peace. 🙂
Festivity comes from the heart. You may sneer at the frenzy going all around. This year, may be you are not in the mood for it. May be you find the celebrations too modernized in current times. You miss the old-school charm, simpler times; when it was more about being in the moment and less of show. You might currently be cringing at some namesake friend’s overly zealous christmas celebration Facebook post. Or you simply don’t get the vibes, not that pumped up. Whatever it is, let it be. In the bigger picture, it doesn’t matter how anyone else does what. Celebrate your own Christmas. Usher your own year end. You made it through 2015!!! Do what you like. Buy yourself a candy, get yourself a beer. Make your plans for the coming year. Visit your family. Call up your friends. Look forward to the newer possibilities. Every phenomenal or minutest thing you want to do today, DO IT!
Merry Xmas. :).
Why do we have this constant need for approval? This thought running subtly in the background, to prove. Every small thing. My job should speak of the money I am earning. My clothes have to be super dandy! I am not dumb, I know current affairs. I am not emotionally unstable, I eat and sleep and interact. I work hard, just go through my schedule.
I have to make a point!
What will they think?
Whatever share of life you are living, why the need to stamp it with approval or in better words, why strive to prove? People will come, give a comment or two and move on. You don’t have to rub your brains around why they said it. They haven’t stated a fact; it is only one opinion. And a person saying, you have it easy doesn’t really make anything easy for you. Just be strong, trust your instincts. Give yourself a chance to believe that you are not half as bad. And you don’t need anyone’s consent for this. Good day!
Should I stop conversing because the negativity turns me down? I think I talk less to people because I don’t know what they might say next to piss me off. Yes, a totally wrong approach. But I stay rather at peace without the struggle to understand motives behind other’s words. No matter how well you know the person, they have this dorky side they will present you with and then you question your own sanity for being friends with such a dork! I guess something is wrong with my internal wiring, that in my hunky dory state I scavenge and find reasons to turn blue. Yes, sadness is way more poetic and all things beautiful. If you want you can forever swim in that ocean but try diving into the happiness pond please! Try soaking in the sun with all its radiance and warmth. You are sufficient. Aren’t you? Chuck naysayers. I want to say fuck…okay fuck them. Peace out.
One day, when you look back, it will all make sense. The happenings, mishappenings. Your staleness and exuberance. Triviality and enormity of the events around you. It will all come rushing in as a huge palpable epiphany. However, this isn’t the time to seek sense. For now, angels in the sky hint: keep striding forward. Don’t wince. Smile if you may. Because one day, when you look back, you’ll find a million reasons to.
Sometimes I am baffled at the meaninglessness of my own existence. How little significance do I hold? How miniscule a drop I am in this ocean of a vast diversified human kind. Every one is busy with their life. If I laugh a little more one day or cry a little longer the next day, who would it affect? Each person has his own story. My story would coincide with some, but each one of us have our own shit to handle. Each one is tackling his/her own struggles . How does it matter what ice cream flavour I like or which colour is my most favourite? Some days things seem magnificently trivial to me. Like nothing matters at all.
On such hope-deprived days, I reshuffle my head. Must do. And I foster the courage to tell myself: it is one life I have been given. Be it a drop; let it mean nothing to no one. I have to, have to live it to the fullest. If and when I am remembered later on(like when I am dead), people should be like, oh! She loved with her heart and oh! She lived like there was no tomorrow..and oh! She was unstoppable…and oh this and oh that! How perfectly awesome would that be! For the sake of some after-life praise, why don’t I start valuing my present? Just saying. Some people are so darn positive they have sun rising up from their asses, the least I could do is endeavour to live life happily.
The beauty of pain is that it seeps into you slowly. It will hurt a lot in the beginning, little later it would sting every waking moment, and then it will ever so slightly pinch and before you know it, you are breathing pain. It becomes this familiar thing to you. You don’t demonstrate any emotions to it. You don’t feel the restlessness anymore. Your face is all bland. You’re all like….dear pain! Come hither, be my guest. Doesn’t matter any more. It’s not that you don’t want to be happy. Yes you do. You try. But that whacky little piece stays. What do you do? Give it space. Freedom. Time. Let it in. And one day without your permission, it will be out.
Where there is a will, there is a way.
Such an old saying. I might have uttered it umpteen times since childhood. Never really ruminated over it though. It dawned on me today, like fifteen minutes back. I was hearing this pumped up song and the line went like “hai chaah toh, hai raasta”. And in my mind I was like oh! this is hindi version of the aforementioned quote.
Doesn’t it make sense? what actually matters is your will. (Yeah dorky mouth, that’s what the quote is famous for!) I’ll go ahead and say it anyway.
It might be a very miniscule will to change your bed sheets or do your laundry. Or a mighty hefty will to build your own house one day. Will to withstand tribulations. Will to overcome your anxiety phases. Will to be strong enough to let go. Will to smile each day. Will to decide, that even though life will try it’s best to break your bones, you will not give in.
You have the intentions that are not turning into actions?? Put some will to it my friend. :). Because if you have the will, you will most certainly find a way to do it.
I am looking forward to tomorrow…such a beautiful thought to end the day with.
I don’t know where my life is heading towards. I don’t have everything sorted out. I haven’t planned a millisecond ahead of this moment. I have nothing under control. I have no fucking clue. Infact I am clueless as the wind, on which direction to perambulate next. I live in the present. Yet, I look forward to tomorrow. Life ain’t bad.
6:00 am. A lizard is crawling right on top of my wall. They creep me out in totality. For a moment, I thought may be we could turn friends…you know, staying in the same room and stuff! But neither one of us wants to make an effort. Happy in our own space. Anyway, I am at the brink of this weekend. The clock ticks 8 am and the dynamics would change. How strange is that? How rigid is the mind? Sticks to the notions and the set beliefs. If only I could mix Mondays with the Sun-Fun-Sundays!
I am a believer…not a cynic..would only hope for a better day ahead. So, cheers to you-better-work-your-ass-off Mondays! And I hope you guys have a great week ahead of you.