If you have read even a slight bit of my posts, you might know that I am a night owl, night-o-holic, nyctophile, name it whatever. I love the nights and everything surrounding it. The peace, the quiet, the entwined length of it, the sea of ideas, nostalgia, reflection, contemplation, I could go on and on.
A few days back, I met with an accident, which again you might/might not be privy to from my previous posts. Any which way, I started going by company cab, instead of my bike; I have booked it for a month. And it drops at sharp 8 in the morning. Prettttty early by my standards. My whole routine has taken a 180 degrees turn.
I sleep early fearing I won’t wake up on time. The fear is such that I feel guilty in staying up late, how people on diet cringe when they eat high calorie food. I even have to leave from work at a fixed time. I get a feeling like I was some carefree bird few days back who is now caged. I even figured(in just a span of 8 days by cab) that I prefer chaos more to a set routine. What is happeningggggggg?
Anyway, came across a resonating word today (Source: TFD)
So here’s what I am doing right now, staying awake, which I love.
Mornings, Early sleeps: With all due respect, Buzz Off!
Rains make my heart yearn from the deepest of corners. I don’t even make an attempt to subside the feeling. Some days are particularly meant to leave your thinking cap aside and delve into the emotional abyss. No matter how pragmatic I endeavor to be, these darn rains make me abstract, dreamy, making me want to embrace my vulnerable roots. Rains couldn’t be the reason alone..I wonder what complements them. mmm…Moments, isn’t it? Try forgetting a few and they etch even further. I love rains. I hate the mud and clumsiness later on. But I love rains. They used to make me jump in joy. For some reason, they make me a little sad these days. But mostly happy. I can’t quite explain it clearly. Seasons are coming and seasons are going; and in between them, there are rains that make you painfully, beautifully, splendidly reminisce all that has been slipping through your hands in the seasons gone by. Strong forces of nature tickle my frailty every time they visit.
P.S. Raining here in Bangalore after many a hot days. Pure bliss and little chills! <3
Because today is a different day altogether! Some days sail smoothly. And some are like wading through the mud. Slow. Dragging. Heavy. Cumbersome. I try to keep in mind that it is a part of the process. Every path won’t be adorned with roses. Every shade of color won’t soothe your eyes. Every food item you eat won’t spring up your taste buds. We have to know bad to realize how important good is. I guess that is nature’s way of balancing things. We see some pretty, and we see some ugly. That’s how we grow. So dear nerves, rest a little. We’ll take dives again.
Can you go on throughout the day without speaking a word? Like a pithy okay and nice from your mouth, a bit of please, thank you here and there, that’s all, nothing else. Does that make one weird? On days when I have had close to null interaction, and I am ruling out social media talks or texting, I strangely tend to talk to myself!
Left late from office today. And just before I was moving to the parking lot to get to my scooty(we need to call it with a better name!), I heard these roaring thunderstorms. Cacophonic, slightly intimidating. It hadn’t started raining yet. To soothe myself, I uttered in my head..garajte badal baraste nahi..(it’s kind of a hindi counterpart for barking dogs seldom bite…that literally means thunderous clouds don’t quite give a rainfall). I think the clouds took umbrage in it. It pricked them right at the spot, because the wrath of rain that I faced thereafter was something! Heavy and getting heavier by the second. I was all drenched and shivering and uttering on my way: fuck! Never smart mouth the nature next time.
I will resume my interaction with humans from tomorrow.
Has been a busy week folks. Like how six days just roll by in a glimpse and you wake up on Sunday with your body parts aching. Have a lot on my mind…got things to do. Yesterday was our country’s 69th Independence Day, kind of a big deal in India. So my work place was, for the full week, high on patriotic extravaganza. I like it. I love India. But I am not over the top hyper-ish about it!! That happened. We had some fun games, decorations, dress code and all of it.
Then I went on a road trip to Shakleshpur yesterday with some office friends. Nature. Retreat. Rain. Water. Peace. Laughs. Long drive. Music. All of my favorite things. There was this gigantic waterfall we trekked to. Soiled, tired and curious, as we reached the destination, the view was simply breath-taking. Worth the trouble taken. I stood there, facing that enormous waterfall, drenching in the sprinkles; in that moment, a feeling occurred to me as if the fall is challenging me. How much can you take Roopam? I can crush you to bits and I will shower you with troubles. Are you strong enough to stand tall through all of it? the wind kept pushing me and eyes struggled to stay open. I was smiling I guess, to the challenge posed on me. Felt like talking to the fall and saying, I am so ready! will take it all and I will stay strong. The fall rushed in more breeze, more water towards me, to confirm..,Are you sure? it is not going to be easy. And I let my hairs down and turned all boho 😀 and nodded in excitement, uttering in my mind..Yes I know!
Nature has its own way of telling you things.
Yesterday, I was high on nature. And today, I am high on sleep. Adios!
If your friends start judging you..they seem less like a friend. Just be on my corner! Is that so hard? Okay this is off topic.
Past one week has been pretty much mechanical. Sleep. Eat. Work. Home. Sleep. And Loop. Haven’t checked out any latest youtube videos, haven’t checked any new stocks on shopping sites, haven’t read much or eaten anything delicious..days are rolling by. I want to travel more. Want to rumble in the dust more often. Want to drench in the rain. Want to feel that blissful air on top of mountain peaks..want my feet in the river..and want the lush greenery. Want coffee with friends on a terrace top. Want little bruises from a lover that I could secretly smile on about later. Want mom ke haath ka khana(home cooked food!). Want to be a free spirit!
Recalling those lines Ranbir Kapoor iterates in a movie…Main udna chahta hoon, daudna chahta hoon, girna bhi chahta hoon … bus rukna nahi chahta. Fly. Run. Fall. Just don’t want to stop.
Will do something to come out of this humdrum routine. Till then, ciao!
Say you are drowning…but you have a life jacket on…so, hypothetically you are drowning(only in your head)…you are filled with consternation and you start moving your hands and feet in all directions..impatient..restless..scared..looking for something to hang on..something to hold on to. What do you find? That it is only worsening your situation. Water is buzzing in through your nose and ears. Then something hits you..you spread your arms and just set free..thinking let me try this too, how worse could it get! That is when miracle happens and suddenly you are floating in peace, gazing at the clear sky..hearing the birds chirp…taking in the greenery around you.
This was one of my rafting experiences but how easily could one relate it to life!
Why don’t we just stop panicking and let loose?
One of those days when you feel things are moving way too fast…I don’t know if it is wrong, but it feels so damn right. Good things frighten me a little these days. Lots of what ifs come into my head. Paranoid is the term. I am breathing slow and smiling and just letting moments happen. I am kind of happy too, but scared to admit it.
So anyway my mind will continue playing its twist tales. Meanwhile, I went on a trip with my girl friends last week. No last to last week. And life has been so busy ever since I returned, I have no effin’ track of how days are flying. It was a weekend trip to Wayanad, Kerala. What to say…scenic..rejuvenating..made me breathe back to life. We were lost in the lap of nature. Trekking, camping, cycling, mud, leeches, water bodies, rains, cuisines and what not. Fantastically delightful. Travelling is fun. Makes a hole in your pocket but still fun.
Much like my present state of mind, this post is coming out random too. I am not speculating much. If I am happy I guess I deserve little bit of that. :). Will continue with more sensible talks soon.
In a land, very distant, far away, sat a girl against a log of wood, looking up at the sky. Gazing so keenly as though her eyes could pierce the clouds and meet the sunshine meandering beyond them. She looked at peace, but was anxious from inside. The sun also had its fair share of fun. It started playing hide and seek with the girl. Falling on her skin every now and then. Making her smile and then leaving her restless by sneaking behind the clouds. Or so she thought. “What is it?”, she threw a question back at space. “Explain me the dynamics”, she said. Obviously, no answer came.
On other side of the clouds, far far light years away, there sat the sun, enjoying a sparkly Sunday. Within its enormous purview, sun looked at the earthly beings, some happy, some sad, mostly indifferent to the ubiquitous presence of sunlight amongst them. A girl came in his sight. Sitting by the log. Everytime sun looked at her, she smiled. But then, clouds blocked his view. And everytime that happened, sun couldn’t see her face. The sun uttered to himself, “You look so beautiful smiling. I wish you keep that smile forever intact. If I could, I would see you all day long.” Obviously, she couldn’t hear that.
Rains. Equivalent to no mood for work. Lazying on the bed. Gazing through the window. Water sparkling on your cheeks, slipping through your fingers, soaking into your hairs. Craving for hot food. Coffee. Reminiscent of old memories. Jumping. Frolicking. Rides. Kisses. Drenching. Walks. Smiles. Little sweet. Little sad. Rains and the emotions it brings along! I charge you guilty.