Time flies by when you are happy. A very true statement by some anonymous guy who quoted it. What do I do? Recollect every beautiful moment spent in the past few months and pen it down? Mind does a quick retort: let it be. So I try not to run amok backwards. Keep myself focussed on the now.
Another itching fact about time is, it never stops. Keeps running so darn unaffectedly. Everyday, you are changing, people around you are changing, molecules colliding, chemical reactions happening, drama, frenzy, doldrums, emotions. When I can barely control the miniscule event of a leaf accidentally crackling under my foot, why bother controlling humans, their actions or the consequences there on?!
Lahe Lahe..this is an Assamese phrase I got to know from a recent trip to the North East part of India. What it means is, to take it easy! Stay unhurried. One of the many lovely things I am taking back from the place.
Ah! Another December. Aren’t they intense? And aren’t they inexplicably beautiful, in thought and sight? Don’t they make you put your thinking caps on? Winters suddenly feel chillier. And you sit and start looking back at the year gone by. How it changed you. How you evolved into something different. Last heard, this time of the year, you were some version of yours and now you have upgraded to xyz.2015.1.0. You met new people, got into new jobs, went through some break ups, gained some pounds, lost some pounds, travelled new lands, created new memories. Now, as December heralds, there is this urgency in my head, that the moments I have lived shouldn’t fade. Where do I store them? How do I remember them all? The year-end is coming close and it feels like something is escaping my hands too. Wish I could make a movie of it all and save in my hard disk as I do with other good stuff I find online. Is this why they say every beautiful thing comes to an end? And every end is a new beginning?
Dear December, I want to hold you close and not let go. But as we don’t have that option, let me embrace you in all your flavours and cherish your charm, till it lasts.
We lived a moment of sheer joy. There was peace, there was ecstasy. There was fire, there was warmth. Your arms were a safe haven for me. My frailty did good to your virility. Yes, it was almost picture perfect. Now, you want to talk about it? I say, don’t ruin it for me. Why kill something by stretching it too far. Moments are not a ductile tape. Let them be intact. Let’s not defame it from our words, our logical reasonings, our shallow promises, our moral compasses. I can’t stand you falsely wanting for me and pretension is not my forte. Let’s take a place in each other’s memory and move ahead. You need to understand, we are not Romeo and Juliet. We are only some transitory outcomes of our impulsive indiscretions. Brutal but true.
Sometimes when you have lived through something beautiful, been a subset of a surreal experience: you have laughed so hard, your stomach hurt; you have sighed so sad, the cloud drizzled; danced so long, your body clamoured for rest; have kissed so strong, your mouth resisted tasting anything else; dressed so sassy, the crowd steered their eyes on you; sometimes when you are in between those moments, you want to instantly save them somehow. You take a picture, you make a note, you write a poem, you just want to get hold of it. Does it really work? I suppose not.
May be you couldn’t click it in your camera, may be what you wrote couldn’t describe the enormity of it. May be your awesomest kiss got lost somewhere in between. May be it is not possible after all to relive these things to bits and pieces again. But, you were there. You savoured it in entirety. You still remember the feeling, don’t you? Past might get hazy, but it never vanishes.
I read this on a hoarding while returning from my Goa trip today: They shared one moment and lived it thousand times in their memories.
About this post: Could be an outcome of my inability to give a detailed description about my past few days, and some other stuff. I will though.
AT LEAST that’s what I say when I have these series of boyfriends/flings coming and going around; you know to add some humour to it. Some due to my issues; some due to their short comings; some for no substantial reason at all(!). Love is a precarious bait. Despite all the risks involved of getting your heart sullied, you do it any way. There will be breathtaking moments galore and the beauty of it all, gets you carried away.
Who doesn’t love being nudged or nuzzled or lifted and dragged on to the wall?! Who wouldn’t smile if someone says they want to smother you up? 😀 I know I do. It’s not done in heat of the moment, and it is certainly not an impulsive decision to make. The heart and mind sit together for several conference calls and land up here. Oh the risks! will mitigate them. And the differences? Will adjust. Difficulties? Will face them, will beat them. If you like someone, you like someone. Everything else becomes surmountable. And then the story ends like every other beautiful one. No reason or rhyme, it just ends. As abruptly as it’s happening here.
This one is going to take time. To turn from fresh scar to a wound. To be reminded of you and not mention it. To crave for you and let it pass like I was some kid and you an expensive toy. I can say I had it coming, people may say it wasn’t going to last long anyway. I’ll get over it and all of that crap. But I had witnessed magic there; I was one element of our heavily reactive chemistry. Some pieces of puzzle fit right together. We so did. And past we will become, but an utterly beautiful one. You there, made me laugh and I’ll hold that close to my heart. Adios then, is it?
Say you are drowning…but you have a life jacket on…so, hypothetically you are drowning(only in your head)…you are filled with consternation and you start moving your hands and feet in all directions..impatient..restless..scared..looking for something to hang on..something to hold on to. What do you find? That it is only worsening your situation. Water is buzzing in through your nose and ears. Then something hits you..you spread your arms and just set free..thinking let me try this too, how worse could it get! That is when miracle happens and suddenly you are floating in peace, gazing at the clear sky..hearing the birds chirp…taking in the greenery around you.
This was one of my rafting experiences but how easily could one relate it to life!
Why don’t we just stop panicking and let loose?
My job is to live and live to the fullest. And sing. And write. And read. And dance. And love. My job is to emanate boundless energy and not worry about the past or future. I cannot hold anything in my hands. No. These moments are transitory. Only thing that will remain are its feeble traces. When God would have created me and coddled his hands over my head, I am sure he might have smiled and said…go my sweet child..go make moments. He wouldn’t have said things like, go churn urself till your body gives in. Go worry. Go cry. Go grieve. Why would he want things like that right?! Makes no sense. I think I am on the verge of a transformation. I think I need to change for my own good. When I say this, my nerves riposte: You will miss him. And I reply back: let’s consider him a human and cut some slack. Let’s not make a big deal out of what people say and think and want you to do. I will lay back for a while now!
Meanwhile..i went on a trip to Manali with my best pals. There was lot of confusion and turbulance and few bones of contention..but overall it was worth it. Made me ponder how time flies! Made me realize I am on my own now. Made me happy. May be a little sad. There again i was trying to hold the moment but darn it flies. One moment you are all teary eyed and hugging your best friend good bye and another moment you are having a sandwich at your office cafeteria. Things don’t make sense to me these days. So I’ll preach now that be in the moment. Neither ahead nor behind. And mates! I sure want to practise what I preach. :).
Winters…christmassy air…placid smile coming on face..some days I feel like God is working out to make me happy. I am not sure but he is doing something up there. Like stars are aligning themselves to bring me beautiful moments. Yeah some days it feels exactly the opposite, but let me hold on to the good stuff. I have a handful of friends to treasure. Today i am in a mood to hug each one of them. :). It’s no extra ordinary day. Just another usual tuesday.
2 hours later..
A strange thing happened now. I got away for a while and the internet connection went off or the page logged off or i closed it by mistake or something..now when i returned i was not so cheery like 2 hrs ago..n i felt like oh no! I was writing kind of happy things. How do i rewrite them? And then i was frantically looking if a draft was saved for my above lines and failed to do that. And i gave up on the whole thing. Say, i will write another day may be! Then one last time, i clicked on this ‘+’ sign and it did its baap beep boop…and yay i saw something there! Do you want to restore an earlier draft? Yes, i do. I so do. It’s not like I had written something great or at length, but i had been happy while penning it and for a sec it made me think, how SHORT LIVED is happiness?! How soon it passes away. And the moment you see some ray for it to return…you want to grab it like a child vying for a candy from some adult’s hand.
So, i guess, will end on a happy note today. :). We got to stay happy OR keep seeking happiness. Stars will work out and give you a “Restore” option soon..very soon..