I seem to have put on a few kilos in the past few months. I have always been petite and this weight gain is a bit of a bummer. I am finding it difficult to adjust to it. At the same time, I am not really doing anything to fix it.
I turned 30 last year and the slowing metabolism is starting to show? I don’t really know. Weight was never a concern for me and now I am seeing noticeable differences.
It’s made me very self conscious. Not liking my pictures. Not feeling confident in my skin. This self pitying will have to stop at some point and will need to take some corrective actions.
If you have read even a slight bit of my posts, you might know that I am a night owl, night-o-holic, nyctophile, name it whatever. I love the nights and everything surrounding it. The peace, the quiet, the entwined length of it, the sea of ideas, nostalgia, reflection, contemplation, I could go on and on.
A few days back, I met with an accident, which again you might/might not be privy to from my previous posts. Any which way, I started going by company cab, instead of my bike; I have booked it for a month. And it drops at sharp 8 in the morning. Prettttty early by my standards. My whole routine has taken a 180 degrees turn.
I sleep early fearing I won’t wake up on time. The fear is such that I feel guilty in staying up late, how people on diet cringe when they eat high calorie food. I even have to leave from work at a fixed time. I get a feeling like I was some carefree bird few days back who is now caged. I even figured(in just a span of 8 days by cab) that I prefer chaos more to a set routine. What is happeningggggggg?
Anyway, came across a resonating word today (Source: TFD)
So here’s what I am doing right now, staying awake, which I love.
Mornings, Early sleeps: With all due respect, Buzz Off!
I am a very very very moody person. I might not have any substantial reason for the course of my actions. I don’t give my moods much thought. Days I am not sleeping…it’s fine I am not sleeping. I am shopping insane…okay..little hole in the pocket..no big deal. Not eating adequately..and people going like, you are getting way too thin…oh yeah I know that..I have seen myself! That.. getting to the root of the problem, is NOT my thing. Yeah I do notice the problem and then I probably just walk past it (I know! not healthy or advisable). I don’t know what’s making me write about myself today. I feel like I am at that phase of my life where I have options in plenty. I can take some sensible course, or digress to some silly path, tread the unknown routes or walk the safe lane. There is no weight on my shoulders, no one is pushing me around to do things their way, I am feeling awkwardly light. You know? Like I need some weight. Something to drive me in a particular direction. Uhh I want to make my own path. Make my time in this vast space of events count. I don’t want to prove anything. I want to be on fire!
Couldn’t it be a simple urge to each choco truffle like other times! Sigh.
Amigos…there is this girl. She likes to be free. It runs in her veins, the very essence of freedom. May be that is how she was brought up, may be she never incurred any restrictions, or may be she was blockaded for too long which turned freedom into her utmost desire, may be she learnt it through experience, or may be she acquired the taste for it, you can never tell. Boundaries and prejudices curb her spirit. She likes to wear clothes according to her mood and not based on surroundings. She wants to wear her heart on sleeves. Some days she likes her hair messy. Some days she doesn’t want to respond to every banal conversation. She picks her interests not on convenience but on her own choice. She doesn’t crave for your attention. She is too entangled in the chain of her own thoughts. She is no role model. She is faulty to her core nature. If only others could stop trying to figure her out. She smiles, and even cries with equal vigor. She has the fire, to make things work for her, assistance no-assistance. She is a mystery…never to be solved. You don’t get it yet? I am that girl, YOU are that girl.
It’s okay to not feel so great at some days. It’s okay if your morning wasn’t all spruced up. It’s no big deal if some barely acquainted person said something to prick your nerves. It’s not a good hair day, still manageable. You skipped breakfast today, go have a heavy dinner. Work troubling you, work less for today. Your phone is surprisingly quite, just keep it aside. Your cloth got stuck on a nail, darn it, just a material possession. Too much rain? Lay low for a while. Friends losing touch, give them a call. People disappointing you, expect lower will you? It’s okay to be dull on some days. It’s okay to not feel great all the time. After all, it’s just a day. Will pass like any other.