The fear of losing something or someone is so inherent in me that it becomes really difficult to come out of that shell. I wouldn’t suffer, if I didn’t fear. How does one attain that level of nonchalance? Or are we, as humans, just built to bring upon self-inflicted misery to ourselves?
I terribly miss feeling self-sufficient. It would get lonely at times but I slept in peace. Woke up without stress. It’s funny, I am working towards being someone I once was. I have been writing way too many sad posts. Been paying attention to all the wrong things. There is so much beauty around to savour. It just needs the right eyes.
I wish I could get by life with a little less of self doubting. Need to take that plunge. Want to break out of the humdrum. Have to act now. I miss these blogs that used to be my emotional outlets. I guess, will get back to the things I identify doing.
For some unfathomable reason I am hooked to this TV Series, Desperate Housewives. There, I put it out. Time to get off unhealthy routines.
Wonder what’s changed with WordPress during this time. Things are changing too fast around the world anyway.
I have missed you WordPress. My company in solace. Today, I find myself in a deep pit of restlessness again and I come back, trying to find some answers. Could you sit back and cater to my delusional ideas, please. How agitating it is not knowing what you want in life? I find myself drifting away from reality. I am uncomfortable around my friends I once shared great bonds with. Makes me wonder, were they friends at the first place? Family equations are getting complex by the day. I am starting to feel dissatisfied with my work. Too reluctant to advice, too stubborn to changes. I know I need to change certain things about me, I just don’t know where to start and if it is too late. Even if I turn out to be an anomaly, it would help if I was a self-contained one.
Ever since we happened, I tend to realize what was missing in I. No, the sky is still blue, the trees are still green, but I have caught on an assimilating hue to the surroundings. As if I fit in the frame some how. It feels as though my hourglass had been tilted horizontal to a standstill and now I find, the time is running again. I am growing to be more accepting of the change, less restricted to my flaws. Still unprepared but less wary of the future. You have got me too occupied in the present. To my surprise, this doesn’t seem new, but quaintly familiar. Are you a part of me from the yore that went missing and later decided to come back? Words ain’t helping. You say I am happier in love. May be, unwind my happiness then?
Days when I don’t talk, I am waiting for the storm to settle. For my senses to resurface. Run back to the routine. Everything is bleak yet there is a comfort in the unknown. I am all up for novel experiences, and this unabashed uncertainty is the first of its sorts. Did I say too much, do I go too far? Where do I stand? What do I want? Days when I am not talking, these rigmarole of questions keep hitting my conscience.
I am wading away from the past, subconsciously. It pricks me a bit because past was my idea of perfection. Now, it is gone. But present is here, and present looks good too. :).
How do you stay sane in a mad mad world
How do you embrace the new and renounce what is familiar
How do you appease the antsy nerves
How do you trick time in your favour
How does one’s discomfort end
How do the seasons blend
How to stay your true self
And know there is nothing wrong
How do you NOT fear the unknown
How do you not assimilate
Not shape your actions based on perceptions
How does one trust and not feel stupid about it
How do these questions get answered?
P.S. – Feeling queasy on a perfectly fine Saturday morning 😐.