What to do when you are turning into this impatient, restless person (which deep down you know you are) and you don’t want to because it is wrong may be..you have been there..done that so many times before, and again the trap is all set. I hate to be this version of me. Where I ponder and look at my cell phone screen..another text..another call? Simply hate it. And yet somehow I wind up being this person. Then again, what if a person accepts you with all these annoying habits. And talks to you as if it’s as easy as breathing air. You complain, he kisses. You question, he babes you. You try not to wait(while actually waiting) and he turns up. Don’t need a man of steel, but a man of patience may be. :).
I don’t know what to be. I don’t know what is likable, or what is acceptable. I am just going on. A non existential person going on with her life. I have my bits scatterred here and there. One or two people in my life…I am living them. I don’t talk to them often…I don’t see them often..I prefer not to talk ABOUT them often..but I am practically living them. My behaviour, my nuances, my laughs, my decisions, these people are everywhere. I don’t understand why some people affect you so deeply. We part but we don’t really part. Not in our heads atleast. He claims we’ll meet some day. I want to believe it but fear gets the better of me. I have stopped wrenching my brains over it.
I am writing after quite a few days. Had been on a trip to Gujarat. First of my college friend’s wedding. It was a treat. Got to dress up all girly. Loved the food, the couple, the vibe, the wedding. Danced for our friend, for the happiness in our hearts. Loads of good wishes. Made me less aversive to the idea of marriage. I am just saying. The beach was calm as ever. The people were heart warming. Many delightful moments with my two good friends over the journey. I got to eat dhokla. Something I love about Gujju food. I am an erratic person, or so I believe, and this trip has surprisingly made me more quite. Every new place I visit changes me in a way or other. It’s not intended to happen but I return as a modified version of me. Life is happening all around me and I am taking it in without prejudice. Don’t ask me questions, I won’t have proper answers at this moment.