Feelings. A very risky business. You catch them unawares. You lose them without notice. You can’t really help feeling a certain way, try as you may.
Change is imminent. But it’s those few days before the change when you’re feeling too many things.
A sweet kind of sadness lingering in the air. The helplessness to be slightly out of control. The fear of uncertainty. Where is this life heading towards next? You feel each moment a little too deeply. Things that were once quotidian present themselves in a totally different light. You smile, you cry. You lose this non-confrontational battle with your feelings. What would follow next is reminiscence. What would follow next are the challenges.
The sun rises another day, in another land and you brace yourself with the hope that it will only get better.
What I found today:
A fight with your boyfriend/partner might suck but fight with a friend sucks worst!
You want to fix it ASAP. They are the last person you want to quarrel with. Who will you vent out your feelings to? Whom to call at your desperate hours? Whom to be abusive and at your dislikeable best with? They might not be miraculously present in the air you breathe..they might not be your soul mates…they don’t make your heart beats flutter..you won’t see them as often as you see all other random guys..but they are more like your bread and butter….as much necessary as the shelter, food and money. You are an island…you are strong..you have it under control..you are sparkling, relentless and several other good things..only because deep down you know they have your back. Always have, always will.
So don’t fight with your best friends..hug’em and fix it!
#night time epiphany after screwing a conversation.
I could have waited till the end of time…till what they call eternity…till what could have seemed forever..till time lost its meaning..I really could have. But you never asked. My shredded pieces did yearn. My tears lost touch with eyes and kept falling for my cheeks. I would be startled thinking..what the fuck is wrong with them! I know you didn’t mean any harm, but you did plenty. Now when I am healing or so it seems, I only want peace and quiet. Harmony..is that too much to ask for?
You know what they say, every end has a new beginning. May we stay etched in time. May we grow past this and wish each other well. May we last in parallel universes. :).
What I have concluded from the past few days is that, misery is over rated and it is very common too! I am talking about mild miseries here. The self instigated ones. People seldom look happy to me. When I see them on a street or watch them eating or listen to their cribbings. They look more like acting as per the surroundings. You know consciously minding their behaviour. For that matter I don’t look very over enthusiastic too. Why wouldn’t someone get a fit and start to sing out of no where? Or just pass a smile ever so often. People tag them as weird then. The other day, while travelling on a bus an old man walked up to me and gave me a candy from some walk marathon thing of his. Ain’t that nice! There were no strings attached. I guess we are more comfortable in misery, that way we don’t have to be prepared for something bad. Happiness comes with a fear that it might be snatched away. I would rather live in fear. Oh a girl and her dreams! :).
This weekend has been a relaxing one. A little too relaxing I would say. When you are not doing anything, your mind runs in myriad directions. It dwells into the past, it tries to foresee the future. Either way, you sit back and contemplate and draw new conclusions for yourself. I have had very less interaction with the outside world since last three days and ample of time to ponder. Probably one of the reasons why I am writing down right now. I slept, went out for a stroll, I ate, I shopped, I read the news, and now I am writing. I could talk to my friends but I would rather not for today. Some are away. I guess the ones I wanna talk to are away. Anyway. There I was wondering, given to my weekend free time. Procrastination could be coined as a disease. It’s doing me lot of harm. I have activities lined up in my head and no urge to carry them forward. No push. No zeal. If only, something inside me could twist and curl and turn me all spunky! More disciplined. About my guitar lessons, my routine, about my unfinished novels, about numerous other stuff. I want to outgrow these stupid little weekend thoughts. Work it girl! There is no other go. They won’t have a cure as they haven’t termed it a disease yet. May be I’ll come up with a more activity-filled article next weekend if things go right. If my head works right I mean!
I am quite languid today. Languid not distressed, which is somewhat good. I don’t know what I’ll write right now. I have to start eating regularly. I have been so lost, I have forgotten to take my care. I have given up cooking and I have given up eating as well since quite a few days. Why this self professed stupidity?! I don’t know. Somewhere the back of my head is ringing it’s unhealthy but I need a jolt. Eat moronic creature eat! I have to revive many things. I got to liven up a little. Add spark into this daily activities. Practise some self indulgence. Eat some chocolates. Cook some yummy delicious meal. Refill my iPod with some perky songs. Open up some novel. Got to start studying something. I have to go back and assure my guitar that I haven’t abandoned it. I have so much to do! Why am I humming tunes of laziness here? Atleast accomplish the regular tasks of making yourself dinner. Will you? Mmm I will. Will you for sure? Yes I will.
(Things crazy people do when alone: talk to self like there are two of you)