Unable to register my emotions these days. What am I feeling? Are there no exhilarating moments in my day? Is monotony becoming tolerable.
I am feeling a mildly negative set of emotions.
Stressed, from the incessant workload. Looks like work has become my life. Appears like the stakes are too high. Haven’t taken a leave from 8 months. It’s starting to bother me a bit.
Blank, about my travel scenes. I am supposed to fly back to India once my work gets done. But it keeps extending. It’s not in my hands and I feel that loss of control strongly, each passing day.
Moody, on some days, for no reason at all. Well anyway, when does one ever understand the complex enigma of mood swings.
Self-doubt. Have always had this thinking where I believe I am not good enough. Have not accomplished anything. Have left things in between without notice or any thought. I want to get out of this mindset.
Drained. From social media. It’s becoming even more disappointing, with every passing day. I need to shift my focus on to better things. This whole social media frenzy is a waste of time. IG, FB, Quora, Google, news and what not. I take way too many pictures on my phone. I really need to slow down.
I have missed you WordPress. My company in solace. Today, I find myself in a deep pit of restlessness again and I come back, trying to find some answers. Could you sit back and cater to my delusional ideas, please. How agitating it is not knowing what you want in life? I find myself drifting away from reality. I am uncomfortable around my friends I once shared great bonds with. Makes me wonder, were they friends at the first place? Family equations are getting complex by the day. I am starting to feel dissatisfied with my work. Too reluctant to advice, too stubborn to changes. I know I need to change certain things about me, I just don’t know where to start and if it is too late. Even if I turn out to be an anomaly, it would help if I was a self-contained one.
Startled, the eye enquired: “Where have you been? I never imagined I would be so deprived of you. That there will come a day where I have to crave for your visit. We almost lost touch.”
Tear replied: “I am your friend, ain’t I? or Am I your foe now, your barely want to see me?”
Eye gave some thought to it and then told the tear: “May be we are friends and enemies. You are there in happiness and in despair. It almost seems impossible to give you up. Too much of you seems detrimental to health and seeing too little of you makes me anxious. I always know you’ll come around. It’s almost like we go hand in hand. I love your absence and you hate seeing me happy without you.
Missing someone is such a pain. It leaves you with spongy eyes. And a series of sleepless nights. What am I running away from? I don’t think I’ll escape these thoughts. Or ever escape from you. Tiny grains of your character, flashes of your smile, your peculiarities, unrestrained talks, your blemishes and moments of spark, everything has assimilated into me how colors once blended cannot be separated back. They form a composite shade of something new. I am not the same. I guess, now, I am a composite tone of you. Yes, my tints might have affected your contour as well. But I’ll not let it be my concern anymore. I wouldn’t cringe or beam at the thought of you. I would just be, the newer me.