The wait has been so long, I cannot bother to recall. My thoughts are haywire and my actions discomposed. My words are in between a pile of mess.
So close to something one has longed for a while. The warmth one has almost forgotten, so much that the thought of revisiting it unsettles me a little. There is an air of nervousness around. A struggle dealt with for a long time alone.
How does one share the bliss when a journey of woes has been traversed alone. It doesn’t seem balanced. I find myself incapable of expressing my emotions of late. Overwhelmed? Perhaps. Anxious? In abundance.
Time does a lot of things. It makes you forget how you once felt. Be it good or bad. And that’s a bit of irony. It would be quite right to say that at times, words simply fail to assist. A few feelings are too fervent to be moulded into words.
Feelings. A very risky business. You catch them unawares. You lose them without notice. You can’t really help feeling a certain way, try as you may.
Change is imminent. But it’s those few days before the change when you’re feeling too many things.
A sweet kind of sadness lingering in the air. The helplessness to be slightly out of control. The fear of uncertainty. Where is this life heading towards next? You feel each moment a little too deeply. Things that were once quotidian present themselves in a totally different light. You smile, you cry. You lose this non-confrontational battle with your feelings. What would follow next is reminiscence. What would follow next are the challenges.
The sun rises another day, in another land and you brace yourself with the hope that it will only get better.
Tomorrow, I’ll be shifting to a new house. Somehow managed to pack my stuff with an injured feet through a friend’s help. She was a blessing in disguise. I have been staying in the current room for about three years. To be honest, I am a bit anxious about leaving this place, that I have grown pretty comfortable staying at. Probably the reason why I am writing about it on my last night here.
It took a little while but this became my home. Memories. Moments of all kinds, nerve-wrecking and some breath-taking. Funny as it may sound but this house has witnessed me grow, been my humble abode on good and bad days.
I guess the feeling is natural. You get attached, and then you have to let go. Of course it is a tad bit more flummoxing to people who are emotional, isn’t it? Time to bid adieu. Here’s to changes, for the better. :).
Because today is a different day altogether! Some days sail smoothly. And some are like wading through the mud. Slow. Dragging. Heavy. Cumbersome. I try to keep in mind that it is a part of the process. Every path won’t be adorned with roses. Every shade of color won’t soothe your eyes. Every food item you eat won’t spring up your taste buds. We have to know bad to realize how important good is. I guess that is nature’s way of balancing things. We see some pretty, and we see some ugly. That’s how we grow. So dear nerves, rest a little. We’ll take dives again.