I woke up today with a very specific and probably positive thought in mind: Make it count. The day. I wasn’t pretty sure on what would actually make it count. For me, mostly, a day well spent has been to be with family or friends or anybody you love. That’s my idea of “time utilization”. Lately, I have had a lot of time to myself. My friends are occupied, my family stays away etc. etc. A LOT of me time. That bug in my mind has been running hard from days to figure out, what now? I will not talk about any bigger plans here. I am pretty lost if I dig deep. Nevertheless, I woke up, I pondered a while, realized it is plain shit to sit and ponder, I cooked, I danced by myself for sometime, I picked my guitar to practise, I cleaned up my room a bit, that’s pretty much it. Did I make it count? That bug inside keeps appeasing me, calm down, keep going. I will just listen to my bug.
Every time a person leaves you or parts way with you, they take a little bit of sparkle from your eyes. The eyes don’t shine so bright now as they used to. You can’t tell from the body language or the smile on one’s face. But eyes, they emote, they do the talking. Sometimes when I am in middle of a conversation I roll my eyes down or look away, so it doesn’t become obvious to the other person…my lost sparkle.
Day 2, Quote 2, of the quote challenge! Was nominated by this perky little sweet teenager “An Ordinary Girl”…and here is her blog that you should definitely visit!
Here is today’s quote:
I know, this quote would mean different things to different people. I mean, I am not cliff jumping or sky diving at this moment in my life but very affirmatively, I am not in my comfort zone right now. I am in a quandary of sorts. To be and what to be! Learning a hell lot of things..To not lose patience. To chin up. To understand. To let go. To stay strong, to smile that smile. This is all part and parcel of life, isn’t it?! Ergo!
Good day, you all!
palfitness ..you have almost read all of my posts by now, Thank You !!
You are the battle I have conspicuously lost but I revisit time and again, to trail my defeat. You are that dream I don’t want to be woken up from, and yet I regret every time, of having seen it. That candy bar in a retail shop I couldn’t get enough of at one time, but I walk past now because it aches my tooth. My favourite perfume bottle that I use ever so stingily from the fear that I would finish it up soon. That song I once stumbled upon the radio and loved hearing but couldn’t trace it later on. The tiny gossamer of fabric I don’t want to tear apart from the whole clothing. That large bite on my dish which I don’t just yet jump on, as I want to relish it at the end. You are no things simple. And yet you are all things easy. May be that’s what I miss, the easiness. You are something I don’t wish to recover from and someone who is doing me all wrong. You are a paradox I am living, day and night.
Okay, so, nothing particular in my mind lately. I am toiling, reviving, usual stuff; you know, jumbled up in my own world of life scenarios. Just when I was stuck on what to write next, this sweet kido(feels so darn grown up calling teenagers kido!) nominated me for the three-day quote challenge. Thank you girl! I very much needed it. Guys do check out her blog.. :-).
So, I haven’t been talking much lately, to anyone, or expressing in general. It seems like talking would do no good. Or may be there is nothing to talk about. And this quote somewhere got me good..there goes..
I can take the silence. I can accept the indifference. I can find reasons to smile in our long-lost escapades. I can be good on my own. I could make up false tales in my mind to not like you so much. I can take it all in humour. I could make an effort to be happy. And I could make myself believe, it was short, thus trifle. I can pretend to move past this and simultaneously list numerous reasons why it would do me good. I could truncate you under a grievous mistake or folly on my part. Belittle the very essence of our story. In distant future, may be, may be I could even delude myself to have forgotten you. But, after all of this done on my behalf, if one day you see me and tell me you love me, it would effusively break me apart. It would be the end of all my strength. I would live and die together in that moment. I fail to explain it better.