There are two ways about it. About any conflicting situation. For any troubling scenario. You either let it get on your nerves or you let it not bother you. You either rub your head around it or you don’t give a fuck. Not to be rude, but you either let it gulp you in, or you choose to wade out of it. This time around, I am choosing to take it light! All these collective bunch of complexities.
Yes, easier said than done. Agreed, not a cake walk. Probably, a sporadic momentary positive thought. But, the intentions are benign. No harm done, no harm taken. Keep a good heart. Keep that smile on. Keep faith in those weird beautiful accidents happening in space. I am urging it to myself and well, you guys too!
If I have a day to kill, I make sure I kill it with wasteful pondering. Even if I have a lump of chores to finish, I would choose to sit back and think instead. All this time, I am completely aware that I am wasting my time, but I do it anyway.
One good thing I did today was get up early and go on a walk/run/mix of both. My brain didn’t stop there as well. There is this shackled sort of animated character inside me that is so darn willing to break the chains. Move past. Be positive and what not. Whoever coined this term of being in peace with oneself…please hand me the instruction manual to do the same. I do a lot of things when I am alone. The useful things just reach my head as an idea and futile ones, they come like the storm.
So anyway, one interesting idea to hit me was that of a solo trip. Mmmmmmmm?!!! Can I, can I not. If I could, it would really be terrific. Who would click my pics, well there is auto mode. Would it be odd? I guess not. Too bold? little bold. What’s stopping me? Nothing in particular, just a tad bit of hesitation. I’ll get there in due time. Let’s see.
Festivity comes from the heart. You may sneer at the frenzy going all around. This year, may be you are not in the mood for it. May be you find the celebrations too modernized in current times. You miss the old-school charm, simpler times; when it was more about being in the moment and less of show. You might currently be cringing at some namesake friend’s overly zealous christmas celebration Facebook post. Or you simply don’t get the vibes, not that pumped up. Whatever it is, let it be. In the bigger picture, it doesn’t matter how anyone else does what. Celebrate your own Christmas. Usher your own year end. You made it through 2015!!! Do what you like. Buy yourself a candy, get yourself a beer. Make your plans for the coming year. Visit your family. Call up your friends. Look forward to the newer possibilities. Every phenomenal or minutest thing you want to do today, DO IT!
Merry Xmas. :).
I have decided..like right now-right now, I won’t be grappled by sadness. It comes easy to me. Worrying, missing, shedding a tear, lamenting. I know the pattern now. I fuel it, and it never gets better. Sometimes I feel obligated to be sad. Oh! Such a terrible episode of my life. How can I lighten up? Like this behavior is expected of me. Go by the books, stay in the rut. If I smile, 2% guilt will tag along. So…This ain’t going right. I am not doing it right. I am not required to document my struggle. Struggle is part of life, not necessarily the gist of it. O dearest whacky lil self! Let’s check out the road less traveled. Dust the shelves. Let’s tread the perky path. Tough task here is to discover, what makes me happy. I’ll find my way (Hands doing that peace out gesture).
What do I say? I had been out for a friend’s wedding in Mumbai. I am at an all time low since my return. Reasons? Galore. There is this sense of detachment. Of nothingness. Of futility. I am low because the whole marriage affair didn’t entice me much. I mean, of course I was happy for my friend and I smiled all along, but I even got the feeling simultaneously that I won’t fit in the bill. I wouldn’t want to do these things. I might have at one point in the past, but I am so averse to it right now. Cannot fathom the whys and whats of it. Why am I sad but? Lack of sense of purpose I suppose. If not marriage at least I should be willing to do something of my life right? So lost. So so lost. Don’t want lectures. Don’t want communication. Don’t want nothing. Let me rue for a few days more. Till then here is my pretty picture from the wedding..all things girly..(when have my doldrums ever stopped me from dressing up..). Adios!
#can be classified under my stupid quest for happiness.
Some love stories are not earthbound. Some love stories occur in a different space. You cannot explain them to people or put them in words or contain them in any other manner. You don’t fear its end, nor regret its failure. You just sit and wonder how you ended up experiencing something so starkly beautiful. How it has made everything else around a little less brighter in shade. All the glitter and gloss around you doesn’t affect its chastity. Innocent, Relentless love stories. And then at times you dolefully wince, why me? And you counter react in disbelief, is it even possible? It doesn’t annihilate you, it crumbles you in pieces, bit by bit. Like a deep quagmire sucking you out of breath, but slowly. There is no right or wrong, there is no end to it, there is tenderness, there is pain, there is so much that cannot be written, you know, in that kind of love.
Yesterday was my 1st anniversary with WordPress. I am like that husband who forgets the date and compensates for it a day later! Of course it means a lot to me darling. I have been so busy. bla and blah. Couldn’t find time on the D-day, but I will make up for it today.
So anyway, I am happy about this ONE year thing.
We have had a pleasant journey…I and my blog. It has made me more calm from inside, if you guys know what I mean?
I have had episodes in the last year…heart breaks, journeys, insomnia, moments of doubt, highs and lows. You know, usual human stuff. I have let it all out here and realized that happiness manifolds when you share it with others and blues get pacified at so many levels. Being faulty, or feeling lonely doesn’t come across as weird anymore. People out here are lovely. They have cheered me and appeased me; made me fly high on days I recognized as plain ordinary.
Then, I read what others write. On some days I ponder about it, the other days marvel at it. Some make me sad, some make me jubilant and some make my mouth go wide open! I kind of knew I had this emotional side to me and people here hit the damn right chords. So, THANK YOU all.
I tend to continue.
Happy blogging to myself and everyone reading it. Yoohooo!
Give me a hug. Crush me inside? Make me vanish. Dissolve…amalgamate…collide..run away with me for this fraction of second. Take me to a place where I don’t have to understand things. Let me fall asleep when am around you, at the oddest hours. Catch me off guard. Gaze at me without a reason. Make any sort of speech or sound between us absolutely futile. Get me so engrossed in you that I lose sense of everything around. Smile. Touch. Brush. Nibble. Snuggle. Fondle. Tumble. These small things. These silly nothings. If only in glimpse, show me our Neverland.
Ah! Another December. Aren’t they intense? And aren’t they inexplicably beautiful, in thought and sight? Don’t they make you put your thinking caps on? Winters suddenly feel chillier. And you sit and start looking back at the year gone by. How it changed you. How you evolved into something different. Last heard, this time of the year, you were some version of yours and now you have upgraded to xyz.2015.1.0. You met new people, got into new jobs, went through some break ups, gained some pounds, lost some pounds, travelled new lands, created new memories. Now, as December heralds, there is this urgency in my head, that the moments I have lived shouldn’t fade. Where do I store them? How do I remember them all? The year-end is coming close and it feels like something is escaping my hands too. Wish I could make a movie of it all and save in my hard disk as I do with other good stuff I find online. Is this why they say every beautiful thing comes to an end? And every end is a new beginning?
Dear December, I want to hold you close and not let go. But as we don’t have that option, let me embrace you in all your flavours and cherish your charm, till it lasts.