Time, no matter!

I scroll through my cell phone. There is this neediness in me seeking one person I can talk my heart out to. I realize it is not going to help. In silent introspection, it dawns upon me that I am not seeking someone. I am only yearning for you. It makes sense too. How could a Lime Soda quench one’s thirst for Coke? Sure it will keep me full for a while but it won’t work as right. So I leave my cell as it is. Truly speaking, I am not even yearning. You have left me convincingly destructed though. Come and see for yourself.

When people decide to leave you, why don’t they leave a manual behind with “What to do next?” notes. How exasperating it is to toil day and night, smile, talk, engage and then look down at your hands, close your eyes and say to yourself, it is fine; you’ll be fine. Yeah people who care, they say, don’t romanticize your situation girl! But I will ask, why not? How do I not? It is coming to me naturally. The agony. The trouble. The restlessness. The sleeplessness. The craziness. The abruptness. Each one attacking like a storm. I feel like some abandoned bad habit. Actually, no. Even bad habits get their own time to wane. So what happens now? Of people like me, who dig too deep emotionally? Till I don’t find an answer, I will keep shutting my eyes and reassuring myself, it’s alright. It is all fine.

58 thoughts on “Time, no matter!

  1. You will find an answer and you are just alright. Most people just lose it. But you still hold yourself together, which is good.

    Though speaking about talking to someone, I am up for the challenge. Just saying. No, I mean it though.

    Yes, a lime soda can’t quench the thirst for a coke, but it does help quench the thirst. By this I mean to imply that there is still land beneath our feet rather than sinking in the sea. (Did I make any sense? OkBye, though don’t forget the challenge. πŸ˜› )

    • ah! You never sleep at nights..do you…and thank you I guess. And yes it makes sense. The idea of losing it all doesn’t lure me much. So talking is a challenge…I think it is for me too. Thanks for putting me up for the challenge though.

      • I think you know better about me sleeping. πŸ˜›
        Phew, I went all philosophical. Glad it made some sense.

        Though when people do lose it, they just go out of control. You are perfectly on the other end of that.

        Umm, I meant you could talk to me. I am up for the challenge to listen and talk, I meant. -_-

      • Yeah, I totally understood what you meant. Thanks for offering. And I hope I am at the other end of it. So how does it work? I utter gibberish and you listen..:-) ?

      • *Speaks to self : Way to go to make myself look like an idiot*
        Ok. You are welcome.
        Oh yes, you definitely are.
        Well, exactly. But sometimes, I might get all philosophical, though I must warn you I know nothing about philosophy = I’d respond gibberish.
        You interested? πŸ˜›

      • Yeaaaah, it was Nygma!

        God, you wouldn’t believe. I have heard people reading it as ‘Nagma’, totally changing the ‘gender’. So, I though of giving the benefit of the doubt, at least in pronunciation.

      • Exactly. πŸ˜›
        And also the fancy font I was using was kind of looking weird. ɴʏɒma. Upar – niche ( mostly this was the reason – I don’t like irregularity ).

      • Okay, you wouldn’t believe what my previous screen name was : Inane Paradox.

        I am sensing you are onto me. Should I be scared ? :O

      • Alright…minds are one heck of a mess…or atleast they create a mess! and we are still on anonymous grounds…so I’ll just ask you…this anonymity shall prevail..?

      • No it’s alright. These days acquaintance is scaring me off. So let me talk to some anonymous being. it’s kind of one sided anonymity though. I would have enjoyed keeping my bit secret too. πŸ˜€

      • Cool.
        Just let me know, if this doesn’t serve the purpose. We still have an option to not be anonymous. πŸ˜› #justSaying

      • You see thats the thing about writing rules, I can mend it, bend it or fence it. I have the ultimate power. πŸ˜›
        Oh. I think getting on your nerves would be easy. Because that’s my super power.

        Will not take any more of your sleeping time. Please sleep. Good night. πŸ™‚

      • Oh..objection there. Ultimate power only because I am leting you make these rules. And yes…letting you in on a secret..I am pretty irritable AK.

      • Objection sustained. Fair point. πŸ‘
        Irritable as in you get irritated easily or you irritate people? I can handle the latter but the former might be a challenge.

      • Any reason for that? Given your anonymity you can say the meanest things and get away with that. Anyway, my processing apart, there isn’t actually a need to be careful. I would appreciate transparency. :-).

      • The thing about I being careful has more to do with keeping a friend than losing one. I have seen friends drifting apart for the smallest of the things ever imaginable.
        Yes, I know. Anonymity gives that upper hand over things. But, it would be inappropriate if I misuse that. And more over, why would anyone say anything mean to you anyway. That’s very unlikely to happen.

        Given that assurance, I think I can squabble. πŸ˜›
        And transparent I shall be. πŸ‘πŸ˜Š

      • Little squabbles are healthy too. Don’t you think? And turning into friends are we..? How do I acknowledge it..virtual handshake may be..About being mean…yeah sure…that was just some silly pondering.

      • I guess they are healthy, within certain limits. πŸ™‚

        Oh, too soon ?
        Moreover, I was sharing my opinion on being careful ( in all retrospect ).
        Virtual handshake would be fine. Btw, we live in the same city, if I’m not entirely mistaken.
        Well, it was a fair point though. πŸ‘

      • I get your point..won’t read too much into it. And oh! We do?? You see the unfairness of the situation here? You give me as much information as you want to. And I am like some open book, you can pick bits from. I stay in blore, Mr. AK.

      • I wouldn’t mind if you did also. #justSaying.

        Yeah, I see the unfairness. I wish it wasn’t the case. 😐

        Well, I’m a more open book on this blog because the people who know me don’t know the real (in)side of me. πŸ™Š

        Yeah, I guess I stalked well enough. πŸ˜› I thought may be you went someplace for the holidays.

      • I have actually…for holidays. :-). Your sixth sense working sir? And this might not be the appropriate platform to ask but why would you not be your real you infront of anyone. Also for that matter, what is the real you? Like a person with lotttt of layers? I hope I am not being too intrusive(though I clearly am).

      • I figured as much. Diwali is the time most people go to home. Just a casual observation. πŸ™‚

        There are certain things we don’t like others to know. Well, I for one have. So, we(I) pretend like everything’s fine, but it really isn’t. So, the part I’m hiding is the one more real about me.

        I wish I had layers. No, more like the person who just shows one side of the coin (all the time).

        The real me is a lost person, searching for something that I myself don’t know. Didn’t make sense, did I ? πŸ™Š

        No, it’s fine. You can be as intrusive and interrogative as you want to be. No problem at all.

      • Yeah I figured too..
        And don’t like others to know, from the fear of? Well there could be many reasons you would want to hide this real side of you. Won’t pry.
        And lost…aren’t we all? I think we should just let our lost sides take some rest. At times.
        So, which side of coin am I conversing with? Just asking.

      • So it was mutual. πŸ˜›

        No. Not fear of. I have kept people at arms length always. It has more to do with me than hiding.
        There’s only one reason for me though.

        Yeah, we all are lost at some point. But some find their way, some still try to find their way. And I was lost long before I understood what was meant to be done.
        ( I think I have written a post. I have wriiten so many such things. Mostly have been sitting in my diary or laptop ).
        Yes, juniper side has been resting for way too long and the time is running out.

        Good question. Now, it’s just a face no sides. Totally (trying to be) transparent. 😐

      • Okay…I really appreciate your honesty. And I am not sure at what point will you stop me…like okay miss! I am not answering that. :D. I had to google on what Juniper side means. So in a way, I wasn’t even aware of this side that has been resting for way too long in your case. You see my point? We(I inclusive) ponder a lot. I don’t really know if it is good or harmful. Too many serious topics right? It is fun to know a new person though..

      • Oh, thank you.
        I hope I won’t say that.

        Umm, it was a typo. 😐
        What I meant was that my lost ( other ) side has been resting too long and the time has run its course.

        Pondering is good. It gives a different perspective at things. Yes, some are serious topics.

        You mean me ? Why, thank you. πŸ™‚

      • I hope your lost isn’t equivalent to sad. Because that wouldn’t be nice. And yeah I mean you…and in general too…knowing a new person is lot of effort. Don’t you think? Like right now, we are giving fragments of our pretty precious time to each other. From what I know…may be you keep your thoughts to yourself. Just saying.
        If you ask me to define myself..I’ll be kind of blank. So at least you know you are lost. :-). Making little sense, I know.

      • It isn’t. But in a way, it’s related. Like the laws of universe, sadness it’s part of it. Though, the percentage depends which is fairly consistent in the lost case.

        Oh yeah. It is a lot of effort and quite difficult too.

        Yes, we are.
        And yes, usually I do thoughts to myself, mostly because I’m concerned about what others think. But I am not now. Because anonymity. πŸ˜›

        So, how would you define yourself?
        If you ask me, you are a passionate person, give your best into things you do / love doing. A bit adventurous. And frankly speaking, sweetest & nicest person ever. Because, who would talk to a random stranger on the internet at odd hours of the night. But blank? I highly doubt that.
        #notKeepingThoughtsToMyself. πŸ˜€

      • Hahah…those are some words that are very nice to hear. I was talking about my opinion on myself though. And about talking to a random stranger(i thought we were friends in making?)…I guess I know two is company, and I kind of relate to this lost facade of yours(though for me being lost is just a phase). And yes…odd hours these are but only if we go by the rules. Otherwise, hardly matters what time it is. Thank you for what you think of me. :-).
        I would really like if your consistent sadness shows some inconsistency.

      • Yes, I understood. I meant you’re underestimating yourself, by a lot of margin.

        Yes, we are. But it has to start somewhere right? Most people won’t. So, there’s that.

        TouchΓ©. You do ? Phase is good, because it passes on after a certain time.

        Haha yeah. And who follows rules anyway. πŸ˜›
        You’re welcome. πŸ™‚

        Well, it has its moments. Rare. But still. And thank you. πŸ™‚

      • Mmm alright. I don’t underestimate, but I don’t gauge myself. That is the case. And yep agreed. Yeah, phase it is, like many other phses that keep occuring and going. I am observing that you respond to every sentence I speak. Commendable. And I think I am going to sleep now.
        Also, would you mind if next time I wanna talk I ping you at your gmail? Reason being, I don’t see the point in trolling my thoughts over here. I guess your anonymity will retain there too. Anyway, let me know. (Not quite sure on your reaction)

      • Ok, change of phrase. Belittle, perhaps?

        As long as they are phases, it is good. And sometimes, they do help. πŸ™‚

        Yes, I do that. Kind of became my habit. Is that a good thing or a bad one?

        Alright then, Good night. Thanks for your time. πŸ™‚

        Sure. Please do. I am stationed at shadowsinmidnight@gmail.com. πŸ˜€
        Reaction : Happy. πŸ˜›
        And you need not worry about my reaction, like ever. πŸ™‚

      • :-). Okay call it whatever you want. And it is a good habit for sure. Next time I am gmailing you then. And cool ..that your reaction is happy. Now that you have mentioned, I won’t worry. good night. :-).

      • Oh ok. Good night. Sweet Dreams.

        I just can’t sleep so early. πŸ™

        You are welcome. πŸ˜€
        And come on, I think we can call ourselves BlogBuddies (yes, I just made that up), so no thank yous / sorrys please. πŸ™‚

      • I think I will not dwell into your sleeping dynamics.. πŸ™‚ and blog buddies..fancy idea mate! (It would help if I can call you by some name…A something it was…)

      • Great. You shouldn’t also. (Like I said, messed up above there).
        Thank you, I guess. πŸ˜›
        You have a great memory. Sometimes, I forget my real name. I need to get a tattoo, just in case I do forget. πŸ˜›
        Yes, It was AK.

      • AK yes! Okay..i’ll call you AK henceforth. And you tend to forget because you prefer this mysterious no name telling side of yours. I for one, love my name. :-).

      • Well, that’s one way to put it, Miss Roopam.
        Wait, did I spell it right ? πŸ™Š
        And you’re right. I change the names way too often. 😣

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