I am looking forward to tomorrow…such a beautiful thought to end the day with.
I don’t know where my life is heading towards. I don’t have everything sorted out. I haven’t planned a millisecond ahead of this moment. I have nothing under control. I have no fucking clue. Infact I am clueless as the wind, on which direction to perambulate next. I live in the present. Yet, I look forward to tomorrow. Life ain’t bad.
Amigos…there is this girl. She likes to be free. It runs in her veins, the very essence of freedom. May be that is how she was brought up, may be she never incurred any restrictions, or may be she was blockaded for too long which turned freedom into her utmost desire, may be she learnt it through experience, or may be she acquired the taste for it, you can never tell. Boundaries and prejudices curb her spirit. She likes to wear clothes according to her mood and not based on surroundings. She wants to wear her heart on sleeves. Some days she likes her hair messy. Some days she doesn’t want to respond to every banal conversation. She picks her interests not on convenience but on her own choice. She doesn’t crave for your attention. She is too entangled in the chain of her own thoughts. She is no role model. She is faulty to her core nature. If only others could stop trying to figure her out. She smiles, and even cries with equal vigor. She has the fire, to make things work for her, assistance no-assistance. She is a mystery…never to be solved. You don’t get it yet? I am that girl, YOU are that girl.
6:00 am. A lizard is crawling right on top of my wall. They creep me out in totality. For a moment, I thought may be we could turn friends…you know, staying in the same room and stuff! But neither one of us wants to make an effort. Happy in our own space. Anyway, I am at the brink of this weekend. The clock ticks 8 am and the dynamics would change. How strange is that? How rigid is the mind? Sticks to the notions and the set beliefs. If only I could mix Mondays with the Sun-Fun-Sundays!
I am a believer…not a cynic..would only hope for a better day ahead. So, cheers to you-better-work-your-ass-off Mondays! And I hope you guys have a great week ahead of you.
What do I write today?
Hope: Whatever you want your grand children to read in future and smile!
Skepticism: I am not sure I’ll reach to a point of having grand children.
Faith: Oh sure you will. Okay, write about something you believe in.
Insecurity: What can I possibly offer that hasn’t been said already?
Mind: Every individual brings something new to the plate.
Heart: Let’s just go ahead and lament about lost love and what could have been!
Angel elf: You don’t have to be sad all the time. Temperate is good too. Take time.
Demon elf: Sulk baby sulk. Better than that, complain about people who have done wrong to you!
Strength: Why not encourage others? On how things always get better. Trust your instincts.
Desire: Create something magical. Your words shall enchant.
Girly side: Let’s talk about the pretty dresses you bought and ooo! those nail paints.
Independence: Let’s not waste time figuring out people. Explore broader horizons.
Persnicketiness: Watch you words.
Conscience: Chuck it all. Do what you want!
One dainty human and a sea of emotions! Today we just wonder about the possibilities.
Can you go on throughout the day without speaking a word? Like a pithy okay and nice from your mouth, a bit of please, thank you here and there, that’s all, nothing else. Does that make one weird? On days when I have had close to null interaction, and I am ruling out social media talks or texting, I strangely tend to talk to myself!
Left late from office today. And just before I was moving to the parking lot to get to my scooty(we need to call it with a better name!), I heard these roaring thunderstorms. Cacophonic, slightly intimidating. It hadn’t started raining yet. To soothe myself, I uttered in my head..garajte badal baraste nahi..(it’s kind of a hindi counterpart for barking dogs seldom bite…that literally means thunderous clouds don’t quite give a rainfall). I think the clouds took umbrage in it. It pricked them right at the spot, because the wrath of rain that I faced thereafter was something! Heavy and getting heavier by the second. I was all drenched and shivering and uttering on my way: fuck! Never smart mouth the nature next time.
I will resume my interaction with humans from tomorrow.
I have decided.
I won’t let you slide away the memory lane with few tears in my eyes,
few shoulders to lean on,
few sad songs to relate to,
and there, gone.
I will preserve your nuances like I have treasured my childhood story books.
I will savour our moments like I remember dialogues from my favorite movie ever.
I will relish your kisses like I distinctly recognize my most delectable chocolate flavour.
I will miss your warmth like I yearn for some heat on a chilly, chilly winter evening.
I will smile at your thoughts, how a child smiles gazing at the rainbow.
I will memorize you like the lyrics of a beautiful poignant song.
I will wear your fragrance like a flower carries its own.
I will laugh at your silliness, how I laugh when I trip.
I will sob that you are gone, how I sob over mushy scenes, with a handkerchief over my nose.
I will fancy doing vile things to you because when has moth ever stopped lusting the flame.
I will be there, how the dawn never disappoints dusk, not one day.
I will imbibe you such, that the difference cannot be told.
There will be you,
and there will be I,
but there will be a tad bit of you in me,
from now on, till the end of time.
I could better be an owl! At least that would save me from getting late for office tomorrow. Sleep disorder. Eating disorder. Let’s not even step into emotional disorder. Why am I living like this? Been there, done that, so many times. Have been out of sync so often that I have almost forgotten how it feels, to be naturally happy. There are moments when I am around people and a wave of thoughts rushes into my head and I just run amok to find some empty corner to sit and process my thoughts(therapist anyone!).
I know each one of us has issues. And a history behind it. Is happiness more rare than sadness these days? Why has discontent overtaken my content? Plus I don’t understand the concept of seeking happiness. Doing things that you consider would make you happy because, well others look happy doing it! It’s a load of crap. What I do know now is, I am on the driving seat. No one else. Have to, have to, take control.
Anyway, I think I got carried away. What I wanted to tell you all is that I recently started riding my two-wheeler to office. Stumbled, struggled, feared but I did start. Kind of a tiny big deal for me!
I couldn’t muster up the energy so long, for this post. The thoughts kept running in my head like…if I am gloomy how could I write something happy. How would the joy reflect? These award nominations make me immensely cheerful and I decided I would step out of my slumber mood, go ahead and do it.
First and foremost, it was Rene who nominated me for the Sunshine Blogger award. You can just visit her blog and witness sunshine! She seems to me one energy packed person. Thank you for the award Rene…here are my answers to your quirky questions:
1.What is your favorite Stephen King novel? Why? If you don’t read his books, why not? What’s wrong with you? (Just kidding!)
I would say, I wasn’t acquainted with him so far. Yeah, probably something is wrong with me there and now that I have been enlightened on this, I am ordering his book, not out of obligation but because I enjoy ghost stories.
2.Do you chew gum? What is your favorite flavor/brand?
I do at times. Not for the taste but for how one’s mouth looks so cool when chewing it. :D. Bad-ass sorts. I like Boomer, they have it in India. As a kid, I used to collect tattoo stickers that came along with it.
3.Do you like rollercoasters? Wooden or steel?
I love rollercoasters. All kinds. They get me shit scared and I still go, all pumped up. Then I scream.
4.What is the longest stretch of time you have ever stayed awake? How were you feeling before you finally fell asleep?
I didn’t quite keep track of time. Normally, I cannot sleep if something is bugging me, if I am distressed. A recent turmoil kept me awake for two-three nights. Then the current went off and I had no option left but to sleep. I guess I felt tired. That would be the general feeling.
5.Have you ever watched a movie with your parents where you were embarrassed by something that came on-screen? How did you/they react?
Uhh it is super awkward every time that happens. Mostly I would be very smart in choosing the movie but sometimes you cannot help if suddenly the actor actress go bananas over each other and start making out like gorillas. I just look at the screen and pray it ends soon(and also make a mental note to see it later, alone!) 😀
6.Do you think that humankind will ever colonize in space?
I think that would happen, with the speed that we are advancing in Science. I would like to be alive to see it.
7.What is the most over-rated movie to ever be revered? Why don’t you like it?
I don’t quite like animated movies in general and there is always so much buzz surrounding them. I just don’t relate. I don’t hate them but yeah animations would be my answer.
8.Olive Garden: delicious not so fast Italian food, or restaurant that should be destroyed and never seen again?
I haven’t tried it yet. Sorry, might have to skip this question.
9.How many pairs of shoes do you own?
Oh..forty something…yeah I went ahead and roughly counted! I love them all.
10.Favorite movie with Bill Murray?
I guess Charlie’s Angels is his only movie that I have watched.
11.What is your favorite kid’s book? What do you like about it?
As a kid, my mom used to buy me a lot of fairy tales(she has pampered me a little too much). So all those stories with a damsel in distress and a prince coming up to her rescue, love brewing in between them, happily ever after endings, I loved them. Cinderella, Rapunzel, Snow white….love them all!
There was another ray of sunshine falling on my block with nomination from Allison (allirae21). A very interesting and happy feely blog she owns, I must say. Do check it out! Thank you for nominating me and here are my answers:
1. What would be your dream job, if there were no obstacles in the way of you landing that job?
I have nothing huge in my mind, I would love to teach some day as a profession.
2. Where is your next vacation going to be? And if it’s not planned out yet, where are you hoping to go?
I am going to Goa very soon; it’s all beaches and I will be meeting my close pals. I am excited for this one! I love vacations. If I could surmise, I would say I earn only to go on vacations and to shop. :D.
3. What is your favorite season and why?
Winters. The chill. The shivers. The warmth of woollen clothes. The fun of having ice cream in winters! And I think winters are quite romantic too.
4. What was the last movie you watched?
It was a pathetic Hindi movie, Hero, yeah pathetic would suffice. My friend dragged me into it. Yeah, I get dragged along often.
5. What is your favorite go-to snack?
French fries. M lovin’ it! 🙂
Ain’t it bursting awards or what?! This kind-hearted soul, nimz, nominated me for the Brotherhood of the bloggers award. Brotherhood is a powerful term and I love the bonding it emanates. Sometimes my friends call me bro! 😀 Thanks for considering me nimz, here are my answers:
1.What according to you is a miracle? Have you experienced any?
Miracles….i think nature in itself is an absolute miracle. I mean, look around and you will be spellbound.
2.What you think is your best quality?
I care. I care a lot. I think that is a good as well as harmful quality.
3.Are you someone who reacts spontaneously or some one who will take a step after thinking twice and thrice?
Spontaneous. I don’t put much thought. I do things I like, go on my instincts. I do fiddle while deciding but then if it’s meant to be done, it’s done.
4.Have you came across any life changing moment? What is it?
Seeing myself living as an adult is a life changing moment. I was never up for it. I learnt in tiny strides. Still doing.
5.Describe yourself in a word.
Last and of course not the least, Neerja (NJ) nominated me for Premio Dardos Award. Something I heard for the first time from her. It means Prize Darts in English. It’s given in a healthy blogger spirit for creative/original writing. Thank you Neerja! First time I visited her blog, I felt oh I can relate. Her blog title is ametalk..and when I read it, I was like wow, people put so much effort into their blog titles. :)! I am delighted for the nomination.
So guys, you know ample about me now, that’s what awards do. And these award posts get pretty long, so thank you readers for taking interest and reading till this point.
I would nominate following people for the Sunshine Blogger award:
I am not framing ten questions but I would like you to share the first thought you get when you hear these words…1. Opposite sex 2. Ice cream 3. Internet 4. First kiss 5. Song on your mind 6. Long Drives 7. Marriage 8. Nights 9. Prized Possession 10. Fear
Silence never intrigued me.
Silence was comforting with a close friend. Silence was awkward with a stranger. Silence was an accomplice when sitting alone. Silence was beautiful amidst verdure. Silence was my food for thought. Silence was one of my character traits. It never captured my attention. Never boggled my mind. Never seemed out-of-place. Never stung.
But your silence, it wrenches my heart. Silence was never, ever, so deafening before.
I am going.
I won’t see you now.
We are not meant to be.
It is not going to happen.
No. Nada. Nah. Never. Ever.
Don’t tell me things I already know.
Tell me how beautiful I look with those brown eyes.
Tell me what tickles your fantasy.
Tell me your childhood stories.
Tell me a song you like.
Tell me you will miss me.
Tell me to smile.