Do you ever feel like your time is running out? Like you only have two hands, one heart, one mind and a hundred of things to accomplish. I have been bad at time management, since forever. Somehow, things always worked out by themselves. I am amongst those, “in the last moment” kind of people. My productivity/energy increases as I reach towards the deadline. So say when I am supposed to work on something(not talking about my job here!), I’ll be listening to songs instead, fully aware of the toll it would cause me later.
I am doing it right now, 2 am..supposed to sleep for office tomorrow and I am penning down some shit load of tangled thoughts running in my head. Someone tell me what is normalcy? I think I had it at some point of time…and then I moved on..and left it where it was. I guess it is okay to be weird and not proclaim that you are weird. I guess I am a subtle form of weirdo who tries usual stuff and then gets bored and then again gets back to her unusual routines.
Meanwhile, I am having this love hate kind of a relation with technology, where certain aspects of it are really bugging me, urging me to time travel back to simpler days and then I am even abusing the privilege at full throttle. What to do? Life is puzzling.
Haven’t I spoken enough already on my birthday!..but well..when I can bash out my friends on a public forum, I guess they do deserve some applauds where the credit is due. Well, lots of good wishes, gifts, cake, smiles. I won’t say much. Pictures can do the talking.
For the love of my shoes, I got a shoe rack. And then I got a parcel that said: This gift box contains emotions. :D. Customized chocolates. Birthday cake with a message on how I should not panic about turning 25! I mean my friends rocked my birthday. Completely nailed it! My brother called me up (which again was an achievement) and my mum dad were as always showering me with the looooove.
I don’t know why do I complain so much! Girl, look around and smile.
So anyway, I wanted to write on some other stuffs, but today is just a day for being grateful. And humble. :P. Will sign off here.
When it is your birthday eve, and you are blogging instead of (i don’t know..) celebrating..makes you ponder if everything is on the right track. Did you make right friends or will they just disappoint you on every possible occasion! My pals..the closest ones..turned out to be pricks..busy..sleeping and what not. Sure they will come around but it buzzed me off a little.
May be, I am behaving little kiddish. Or probably, the best people in my life are all jerks. I guess here comes first of those lessons of turning 25. Be content with what you have! Anyway, I am going to wipe the scorn off my face. Today I adorned the world with my endearing presence. Gives me all the reason to smile. :).
In a land, very distant, far away, sat a girl against a log of wood, looking up at the sky. Gazing so keenly as though her eyes could pierce the clouds and meet the sunshine meandering beyond them. She looked at peace, but was anxious from inside. The sun also had its fair share of fun. It started playing hide and seek with the girl. Falling on her skin every now and then. Making her smile and then leaving her restless by sneaking behind the clouds. Or so she thought. “What is it?”, she threw a question back at space. “Explain me the dynamics”, she said. Obviously, no answer came.
On other side of the clouds, far far light years away, there sat the sun, enjoying a sparkly Sunday. Within its enormous purview, sun looked at the earthly beings, some happy, some sad, mostly indifferent to the ubiquitous presence of sunlight amongst them. A girl came in his sight. Sitting by the log. Everytime sun looked at her, she smiled. But then, clouds blocked his view. And everytime that happened, sun couldn’t see her face. The sun uttered to himself, “You look so beautiful smiling. I wish you keep that smile forever intact. If I could, I would see you all day long.” Obviously, she couldn’t hear that.
Rains. Equivalent to no mood for work. Lazying on the bed. Gazing through the window. Water sparkling on your cheeks, slipping through your fingers, soaking into your hairs. Craving for hot food. Coffee. Reminiscent of old memories. Jumping. Frolicking. Rides. Kisses. Drenching. Walks. Smiles. Little sweet. Little sad. Rains and the emotions it brings along! I charge you guilty.
Words are not coming out for the thoughts creeping inside my head. How often do we decide something and the plan falls off track? Things not going on our accord. So you just accept the situation. Your friends are acting weird. Accept. You acting weird. Accept. Tired of same old questions. Accept. Your weaknesses. Accept. Unwavering love from parents. Accept. Surprising moments. Accept. Words from others, good and bad. Accept. For some reason, I am breaking inside, bit by bit. I can feel it in my bones. I put up a good face. A happy face. And at times I am genuinely happy too. But people have failed me. Or probably they are in the process. Or to put it correctly my belief in them seems to be faltering. I don’t know. I have got to let them be. That’s the right thing. This all sounds very negative, very blue. That is the problem. My emotions are on a roller coaster ride. And it’s not some PMS talking. It is me. They are taking swings, hopping around like those bouncing balls. I used to love playing with them as a kid and apparently now I have become one. I am not a self contained person. There. Accepted. And I think I’ll turn into one. By hook or by crook. May be it is for the good.
What I have concluded from the past few days is that, misery is over rated and it is very common too! I am talking about mild miseries here. The self instigated ones. People seldom look happy to me. When I see them on a street or watch them eating or listen to their cribbings. They look more like acting as per the surroundings. You know consciously minding their behaviour. For that matter I don’t look very over enthusiastic too. Why wouldn’t someone get a fit and start to sing out of no where? Or just pass a smile ever so often. People tag them as weird then. The other day, while travelling on a bus an old man walked up to me and gave me a candy from some walk marathon thing of his. Ain’t that nice! There were no strings attached. I guess we are more comfortable in misery, that way we don’t have to be prepared for something bad. Happiness comes with a fear that it might be snatched away. I would rather live in fear. Oh a girl and her dreams! :).
Saturday morning. Pensive mood. Looking forward to living this day. Happiness is in you. Make it last. Spread it around. Turning 25 soon. Not liking it. Still smiling. Exploring new phone. Virtual world is boring me. And yet I am blogging here. Bits of virtual world are boring me. Not finding genuine emotions to cater to. Staying away from human kind. Short sentences. Lesser words. Wishing someone tried to understand the silence. People give you every reason to walk away. Yet you decide to stay. It is difficult. So darn difficult.