There i am again…not getting sleep like normal humans. 2.30 am. No man is an island. But i am so feeling like an island these days. Who likes a person stuck up in past?! Even i don’t. I am clueless on how to react or behave these days. Nothing, absolutely nothing is calming me down. There is a lot of pretense I am practising. I want to move on. From this person. From this episode. Something is stuck but. Some sort of unfinished business. I am praying all earnestly that i walk past through all this. Shed tears, wake up at nights, walk long walks..but just get over it. The added problem is discussing it with people makes it all banal and meaningless. Like okay…it happens every other day with every other person. Ergo the island feeling. Is this what psychiatrists term as depression?! I am not “depressed” actually. I have this urge to attain normalcy. I am eating, walking, talking, doing regular stuff, even dancing and smiling. But that knot in my head somewhere…ughh i want to break it open. This is what “struggling” feels like. Few years down the lane, i’ll come back, re-read this and wonder…why did i make such a big fuss? What was the drama all about. I really wish i could traverse to some other time now.
Discombobulated! Yeah that is the word for the day.
I would want the coming days to be associated with following words:
Levity..Tranquility..Bliss..Plain intrinsic bliss. Well the world thrives on hope!
I’ll find a way..

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